It was funny.

I was tired. I was on my way back from my cousin's house after engorging myself with homemade cookies. I got hit with that mid-summer-day haze. With my eyes drooping and my stomach full, I mustered myself to make the turns I had to, to get home. Out of the development, make a right to go back roads, make a left to take the straight shot home. Left. I got sick of the AC, and distorted the cabin pressure. The windows now open, I felt the random pulses of air bending the hairs on my skin. I looked at the golden sun shine on the freckles of my arm. Stop sign. Left, toward Ithaca. I thought of how I'm adapting my life, how I'm going to just jam experiences into my life, it's the only antidote to crazy. The road was long, and time slipped through my fingers like the wind in my hand out the window. I grasped the side of my jade sport car, and pulled up to harmony road. It turned yellow as I pulled up. Slow down Dave. Red, Stop. The sun stood just over the bridge that hung over a high-way. The light. It was just so warm. I looked at the adjacent light to see when it would change. The lane to turn left on my right hand side was full. They get so close to your car at this one light. You could almost touch them if you reached out far enough. I thought of the anxiety, of them looking at me, so I told myself no. I wanted to grow my confidence by keeping eye contact.

One car passed. Black suv. Old man.
Two cars passed. Gold sedan, Soccer mom.
Third car slowly pulls up.

It's a young female. I can tell by the structure of her face. She drew closer, time began slowing down. My adrenaline usually fired up. But it didn't. I felt nothing. The blurry outline of her face became more detailed like a small avatar on Facebook. I still felt.. nothing? She became more and more beautiful the closer she got. My heart didn't feel a single excess beat. It was right on time. It was odd, my body didn't react. What was going on in my head? I started to grow a stronger interest and infatuation with every inch she got close. These milliseconds were hours in my mind. Her eyes grabbed mine. We locked, fixated. Her angle became sharp, she was close. Only a few feet now. Her hair brown, her eye's were sharp. Her car was.. white. A Nissan. Sentra.

It was X.

She looked right at me. I was fixed. She reflexed this stupid smile. This stupid smile that i knew far too well. In the moments of her passing me and me leaving out of sight, i know i burned in her mind. As she did mine. We were the bright light you stared at in a dark room, leaving behind a purple radiating light when you closed your eyes. Every where you looked, you saw the branding. Fucking X. I still feel like were together. I don't expect her to come home. I don't want that. I feel like, she still loves me, like i still love her. You can cut a single connection between two people in love, and have it- love, still, strongly, beating. Love beyond physical existence? Is it possible? Despite a 3/4ths of a years time, were still connected?

I may love her, but I don't want to be with her. Does that make sense? I'm sure somewhere it does.