Disbelief.

Speaking out of my mind.
Tuesday, i like your music again.
Why cant i find anything that i truly want in life?
Why is it when i spent time with friends today, i looked out the window?
Just to watch our shadow flow through the many objects along the road?
I walked out of the gamestore while they all still stood in,

I was out by myself.
it was night, and the streets were trickling with one car
every so often.
The shitty 6 store plaza was a rectangle parallel to the road.
There was a large field across the street with lights bordering the tarmac.
It was humid, from the rainy day.
I stood there looking out,

yet looking in.
i find myself having lost use of my eyes

they're open, but they don't see.

The more I lingered around the sidewalk of the plaza

The more i felt it grow.

I thought something deep.
I felt something chaining itself to my inner core
I felt like, well
killing myself
is getting to be a better and better thought every day.
Everytime this feeling breaks out of it's cage

it get's stronger

it hurts so much longer

I started to ask myself:
Can i really live with this?
Is this what i'm going to feel everyday?
Am I forever destined to walk with this crutch?
No one will love someone who can't stand on their own two feet.
I guess i'm destined to be alone
Forever.

Alas, there is a break in the darkness
it's fucking dumb and reckless
and hell

The stress might make me more crazy
but the only cure i can find,
is talking to women,
trying to make them attracted to me

I wonder why.
I don't want sex.
I'm too insecure
Do I want love?
Pure Requited Love?

I think so.
I think I want someone to be there.
I cant see,
it's like theres a wall
blocking my thoughts.
Tuesday, I'm sorry again.