I just woke up distraught as a mother fucker. I ask myself why. I find it's without cause. There's no reason. I cant find what I'm missing. I can't find what's worth feeling this way.
I laid there, eyes open. Staring. The ceiling still white. My feelings still wrong. I thought of a girlfriend. I thought of how a girlfriend would solve everything. I thought how the warmth of another would make this pain go away.
This thought just striked my mind. How when i talk to people they tell me. You need to love yourself first. You shouldn't find someone if you don't love life. FUCK YOU. to everyone who says that. You don't know fucking shit. You spring up 5 day relationships. You hold eyes for anyone with a different look. You fucking cant find fidelity.
People. Are young and old. Still no one is truly bold. No one lives by the morals they believe in. Morals to them are just words and phrases. That make them feel "good" inside. For things that they shouldn't. People, young and old. They still act out on emotion, instead of thought. Cry about loss that cannot be changed. Complain about worthless events without seeing the bigger picture.
Tick.
Tick.
Tick.
Tick.
Tick.
I feel time going faster. my age getting older. My glory days fading. My life cant be put on hold because I have the idea im' supposed to be having fun. The most fun i ever will in my life. Right now. right fucking now. And you know what I'm feeling?
Nothing.
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