I don't really know what i want from life. I really don't. I'm not writing this to ask something of anyone anymore. I'm writing this because, well it's just how i am right now. I don't know what i want. And it kills me not knowing that. Everything i do related to change now.. its so deeply connected with anxiety and depression. I can't rationalize these stupid fucking emotions. I don't know what it is. I'm just... Well.. broken. I'm starting to think that the cause to some of this shit is from those fucking ADD med's i went on. It probably wasn't the best idea to try and take them while i was so stressed out about school and Africa. It was dumb as shit quite frankly.
I saw her on facebook a few moments ago. I thought o how shes so easy to talk to, it'd be great to say hey. Then i thought of her dumb bullshit personality. Bullshit to everyone, but mainly, herself. I feel like she doesn't realize that. That her whole persona is some kind of facade. Just to hide whatever it is she wants to hide. I felt a strong urge to talk to her, just to say hey. But the thoughts of what i went through for her was, well, fucking scarring itself.
I'm starting to see this paranoia thing show it's face.. Like crazy. It's ugly. Very, very, very, ugly.
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