As the Gears of the Universe Turn Forevermore

I blaze through a hundred different ideas through the day and feel upset that i can't remember them when i come to write here.

I like Fearless.

I forgot the meaning of the word LIKE and just realized that now. When you LOVE someone, it's when you know for sure that its "serious." I'm afraid if i dissect the meaning of "serious" ill lose the feeling.

Anyway. I like Fearless. I think she might know that. I know she doesn't want to be in a relationship with me. But I want to hangout with her, because I feel like I need a friend.

Do I need a friend? Maybe, but the way I treat her is NOT like a friend.

I think my feeling of needing someone is so strong.. I cannot tell whether or not I need friends.

UNFELT-LOGICAL RATIONALIZATION:

I don't need a friend and I don't want a friend.
                  To why need a friend: For companionship which leads to happiness. I have happiness without a friend. At least for now :].
I'm not sure when i realized that, but Fearless did show this to me. I thank her for that. The way she made me realize was because, I didn't want friends.. I wanted to know I could make friends... I felt defected, like i couldn't. I was also very self-restricting. Speaking to her made me open and realize I can make friends.
                    To why I don't want friends: I'm happy without them right now. And that there's no one really that I want to be friends with... i think? except maybe First mate. I also really like the friends i have now.

Digressing again. Anyways! I feel like telling her I don't think we should hang out. Because i like her

I wanted to write more on that..... but there's really nothing else much to say :]. Telling the truth despite myself and my future no matter how grave makes me feel good. It makes me feel good because i'm not living a lie, i'm being who i am, and i'm loving it.

I can feel myself getting out of a trench. let's hope i don't get back there again.