Africa: u? (doing over the summer)
Our protagonist: idk find myself
Africa: Lol you don't know me very well i guess haha and finding yourself is a good thing
Our protagonist: If it can be done!
Africa: it can be
Africa: but its a life long journey. you will never be done finding yourself. there is a new documentary out called I Am. it's all about finding yourself. check it out.
Our protagonist: lol i'm good
Our protagonist: if iget bad enough i probably will
Our protagonist: i really appreciate you mentioning it though
Africa: bad enough?
Our protagonist: lol do you dare want to go there?
Africa: yeah what's going on?
Our protagonist: Surprised you care lol I..
Will finish writing when i get home. i'm at college now, and well i've reached a certain enlightment thanks to Africa. I will do anything she asks of me that equates to my reciprocated appreciation. That appreciation is as vast as my freshly opened eyes can see.
Our protagonist: Surprised you care lol I don't mean that in an asshole kidnd of way. But i'm just real confused about everything like what i really want in life. Like the whole needing to find someone has fucked up my life completely. Like if i'm not trying to find someone or attempting to learn how to talk to people i'm in this weird crazy panic state that makes me like have mood swings and puts me under a ridiculous amount of stress. That's why my memory is so shit and why i got diagnosed with ADD.. I'm just like fuckinnn screwed up from this that it mentally makes me dissassociated from whats going on around me.
Our protagonist: So by finding myself i mean to find out why i want someone and why i care so much and why i don't want to do things i used to
Africa: Do you write or keep a journal at all? (bwahah)
Our protagonist: Andddd the need for wanting to find someone also makes it rediculously fucking hard to make friends and being as alone as I am makes me go nuts! lol...
Our protagonist: And yeah I do
Africa: Yeah I can relate to what your feeling... being alone can be difficult and overwhelming. What are you doing to figure out why you feel the way you do?
Our protagonist: Hah nothing. I can't figure it out because my mind is so stressed out I cant focus on it and like logically break it down.. Which is kind of part to why I wanted to buy some bud from you so I can chill the f out and stop thinking
Africa: But that isnt gonna help you in the long run I havent seen my aunt at all recently either
Our protagonist: Yeah i know but there isnt much i can do.. it's like either work my brain like I am making me depressed and batshit crazy or I could stop thinking about it and just try to breathe
Africa: yeah.. You should try to stop thinking about it and focus on things that make you happy. Like playing guitar and stuff
Our protagonist: There isn't much that makes me happy besides people.. The whole me not having friends thing and need to find someone kinda fucks up my maslows hierarchy.. And I think love and belonging beats guitar and masturbating haha jk
Africa: Hahah! but you do have friends. And once your happy being alone they say people will come into your life easily
Our protagonist: I don't have friends! I have like 1 and a half friends who actually know me know me and they don't understand me for shit. I only have subtle acquaintansces that if they really knew me would be weirded out or put off.
Africa: Well what do you do to meet people that are like you? Going out and doing thigns you enjoy will bring you close with people like you.
Our protagonist: I completely agree! Butt.. Social anxiety stops me there.. classes are my only escape to making friends and even when I do meet people there.. I can never txt them outside of class ya know?
Africa: Yeah you gotta figure out your anxiety and realize there is no reason to be anxious about meeting people and making friends.
Our protagonist: Oh but there is. Lol
Africa: No.. You know why? Because if people judge you or don't like something about you then they don't need to be in your life. You will make true friends when you are your true self. And there is no reason to be anxious because of that.
Our protagonist: :] that's a really comforting thought. Where I fuck up is that i'm in such a need for people to be in my life the anxiety makes me act like someone i'm not. And after having gone through a slew of rejection with girls.. Lol.. It kinda makes the world tell me that i'm not good enough or unwanted
Africa: Yeah I can understand that but you may not be getting a girl because your not really being yourself. Its not that your not good enough. But you don't know exactly who you are or what you want. So how are you going to find a good match for you
Our protagonist: You're completely right, i'm not going to. Which is why I've started o think a rebound may be in order.. Haha well at least that's what Endgame tells me. But you're never really "youreself" when you talk to someone you like because you turn into a bumbling idiot after being so enamored with their presence.. Are you?
Africa: Yeah that's how I always was.. But now i'm just trying to be exactly myself around everybody. Whether I see them as a friend or more then that. And I feel so much better doing that and the people I spend my time around seem to open up more as well.
Our protagonist: Hmm that's really interesting I have to try that but how will they ever know you like them though? Like if i were to be myself and like somebody, I'd come on wayyyy to strong.. And instead of someone telling me i'im creepy in a couple days, it'd be instantly haha.. But idk I think I have to play that idea.. I'm going to try it out a bit
Africa: You get to know someone as a friend before you decide whteher or not you would be with them. So nothing is creepy. And if something more comes from the situation it's just a bonus. Cause either way you will end up with a friend That knows and likes you for you
Our protagonist: I really really like that idea. Gah that makes sense to everything i've been doing wrong
Africa: Good i'm glad! I hope it works for you as well as it has for me
Our protagonist: If your truly happy with the way things are i'm sure I will be too lol
Africa: Haha sometiems it's hard to see a better way to do something without someone showing you how
Our protagonist: Lol but I hate getting help... Ahwell forever ty. I am in your debt.
Africa: But sometimes you need it. And your welcome. Anytime.
Our protagonist: If you ever need anything let me know, I will do my best not to fuck up.. I promise! lol..
Africa: Haha thanks
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