Searching. This Is Isolation

I'm starting to have thoughts about suicide. I don't think I'll ever really do it.

But I have a growing feeling in my stomach that there's no purpose in continuing to go forward. I don't want women, I do, but.. I don't know there's just so much pain from social anxiety. It's almost intolerable.

I'm becoming unstable. I feel I'm becoming too smart for my own good.

I put up a status on face book and expected people to comment on it and no one really did except my cousin. For some reason it hurts a lot more than it should have. I haven't spoken to cap'n or carebear in a bit and only really talk with Jobro, occasionally. Jobro needs to F'n get his shit together. He hates his situation and complains constantly about the same things continuously.

Back to women, I think I do want love again. But I believed that I had love, with X, and I broke it because it wasn't enough. Maybe it wasn't love? It couldn't have been. That's a purpose to live for. Finding love.

You haven't found it yet.

I thought I did.

You were wrong kid, it happens to all of us sometimes. Hang in there.

I don't know what I'd do without you.

You need to speak to a girl. Any girl. They may not be the one, but you need to start taking steps toward your goals. Don't fuck up along the way, don't step on anyone else, and don't toy with anyone's feelings. Give answers where they are due.