I live for Others.

After writing last post, I felt different. A good different. And it showed today in class. I made everyone laugh in class several times. I loved it. I love making people laugh and have a good time. I think I may have also sub-pseudo-consciously played some game on my classmates. and it worked haha.. I got scared when I saw them becoming attracted to me, I realized I didn't want to do that to them although my dick strongly tells me otherwise. I need to man up and talk to girls outside of my class.

I'm so lost for what I want from women now. There are 3 kinds of relationships you can have with a woman.

1. Real relationship: boyfriend-girlfriend. Fall in love, spend time together, enjoy each others company, finish each others sentences

2. Fuck relationship: guy hooks up with girl. Get drunk, make out, knock boots, wake up in the morning and awkwardly say goodbye.

3. Friend relationship: guy hangs out with girl.. with no interest. Study together, maybe grab food, talk about plans for school but don't really care that much about her responses..


I can't have 1, after being in a 4 year relationship i hate the sound of everything about it,
can't have 2, i don't think I'm an asshole enough for it and I'm to much of a pansy to go through with it,
don't want 3, because it seems almost pointless unless they offer me something back and I feel like i could make them fall crazy for me by making them have such a good time with me.

Well fuck. I need to reanalyze this more. Most the girls I talk to I'm realizing I subtly flirt with them and than back off once the temperature gets to hot to handle. Except one-

I'll call her, Adrina for Adrima Lima, seeing as to how she models sometimes. She's pretty attractive, but for some reason I just don't want to be with her, she's just too much for me I guess. She's more like an older sister which is awesome. She offers me advice and I love her opinion on everything it's hilarious. We see each other only occasionally. We had the same class awhile back when I was going out with X and immediately started talking when she found I could do simple math in record time haha.. I'll probably see her more often this semester.