i am heaven sent, don't you dare forget.
i am all you've ever wanted,
what all the other boys all promised.
sorry i told. i just needed you to know.
i think in decimals and dollars.
i am the cause to all your problems,
shelter from cold. we are never alone.
coordinate brain and mouth.
then ask me what's it like to have myself so figured out.
i wish i knew..
i hope this song starts a craze.
the kind of song that ignites the airwaves.
the kind of song that makes people glad to be where they are,
with whoever they're there with.
this is war.
every line is about who i don't wanna write about anymore.
hope you come down with something they can't diagnose,
don't have the cure for.
holding on to your grudge.
oh it's so hard to have someone to love.
and keeping quiet is hard.
'cause you can't keep a secret
if it never was a secret to start.
at least pretend you didn't wanna get caught..
we're concentrating on falling apart.
we were contenders, we're throwing the fight
i just wanna believe, i just wanna believe,
i just wanna believe in us.
oh, we're so c-c-c-c-c-controversial.
we are entirely smooth.
we admit to the truth,
we are the best at what we do.
and these are the words you wish you wrote down.
this is the way you wish your voice sounds,
handsome and smart.
oh my tongue's the only muscle on my body
that works harder than my heart.
and it's all from watching tv,
and from speeding up my breathing.
wouldn't stop if i could.
oh it hurts to be this good.
you're holding on to your grudge.
oh it hurts to always have to be honest
with the one that you love.
oh, so let it go..
we're concentrating on falling apart.
we were contenders, we're throwing the fight
i just wanna believe, i just wanna believe,
i just wanna believe..
we're concentrating on falling apart.
we were contenders, we're throwing the fight
i just wanna believe, i just wanna believe,
i just wanna believe in us.
this is the grace that only we can bestow.
this is the price you pay for loss of control.
this is the break in the bend,
this is the closest of calls.
this is the reason you're alone,
this is the rise and the fall.
we're concentrating on falling apart.
we were contenders, we're throwing the fight
i just wanna believe, i just wanna believe,
i just wanna believe..
we're concentrating on falling apart.
we were contenders, we're throwing the fight
i just wanna believe, i just wanna believe,
i just wanna believe in us.
edit: The plan didn't work. i'm not fucking macguyver. We talked on the phone and she said
everything was a mistake. she needs to be alone.
it would have never worked out. I just really wanted it too. I was never fully attracted to her. I don't know if i could put up with her activist ways. I'm not sure if i could have took the anxiety of meeting her whole family. I could have turned vegetarian or even vegan if we lived together. I'd always eat meat if we were out or if i was with my family. I couldn't take the way she laughed sometimes. I don't know if i could have liked the things she loved. I don't know if that matters. I was always half on half off..
I have ways of predicting the future.
I texted her.
Active absorption is something that i can't explain. It's like something I've been dying to have for what seems like forever but i wonder if I'll ever have it. Like a boy running in a field with a toy plane always wishing he could be a pilot. One day he might, or become an astronaut.
Now you can take that two ways. I'm fucking crazy saying stupid shit for no reason. Or i was sub consciously asking her if i'll ever be with her or become something more:
What i want between us is something that I can't explain. it's like something I've been dying to have for what seems like forever but i wonder if well ever be together. Every time we spent together i always hoped that i could be that one and only in your life. One day i might be that person, or become another's special person, who i know will be better for me than you.
So than why am i fixed onto you? i don't know. A heart needs to learn what it wants, but it can't find out what it really desires until you put it in situations that it wants to be. You can't disagree because you can't live without it. You can try as hard as you want to fight and you will come close to losing it. It will tear you apart. So why fight it? Follow it, and be ready to experience what it has to show you.
I later texted her across the room.
So what do you think I'll be? The pilot or the astronaut?
She walked with me, smiled, and spoke
The astronaut.
I respond
Let's hope its worth it.
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