So today opened up with her cursing saying don't fucking tell me if you don't think its fucking important.
Then I shoot the trigger. Funny i was so happy this morning saying fuck everything.
Here's what ye olde text spat out.
"Look i'm sorry i made shit complicated and making you so upset. I just wanted to ask you to tell me that we'd never have a chance of being together. I wanted you to rip my guts out and tell me everything that's wrong with me that you and mina are going to be forever, everything that you love about him, and why you know you cant be with me. I want you to because i can't take being just friends right now. I'm a fucking mess when your not messaging me or around me. Knowing that i won't see you or even imagiing you wont be texting me in a day makes me so depressed it's not even funny. I can't fn take it. I feel so helpless. I need you to hate me and never talk to me because i don't think i can take not trying to be with you right now. Look i'm sorry i put you through this shit. I want you to be happy and i know if you have me in your life right now you won't be because i'm just going to fuck everything up."
"I really want to be just friends but i cant, not now."
"I'm really sorry i thought i could be but i started to feel everything again and yeah, what i said before."
Very fucking cut up and stupid of me. Goddamn i need to work on my writing skills via cellphone.
Curious as to what the fuck she'll say if anything.
What else did i want to say?
Well the whole look you tell me you want to be with no one right now and you need to be single. Yet you get back with your ex and try it out again. Well look, that's fucked up. And super hurtful coming from someone who says they care about me. The way you fucking acted just now, cursing at me like you never do. Fuck you. It's my god damned life too. You're insinuating your life is better than mine saying shit like that:
"I'm fucking done with complicated shit. If its not important enough to talk to me about now then don't fucking talk to me about it after the test. I don't want to know."
Bitch, if you don't fucking care about me enough to deal with us then say so. Just don't fucking put up with me then. Shut me the fuck out of your life. - Really important fact that i just realized. Maybe that's why I felt so good waking up this morning when she gave me shit last night.
She responds:
"There is nothing wrong with you and i'm sorry i had no idea you were feeling that way. (Really? fuck you, a legally blind elderly woman could have seen that in me.) and I'm sorry for putting you through this. I never wanted you to get hurt. Okay i get it and i'm sorry again. I would have never hung out with you if i knew this was gonna happen. I will leave you alone now. Sorry. and i do love Mina (good you too are fucking dumb enough to deserve one another. it just took me a while to realize it.) I don't think i'll ever be able to feel what i feel for him towards another person... which is why it would have not been fair to ever be with you. (Agreed least we hooked up. Swish.) I'm sorry again. i was not the right person for you and you will find her one day. i'm sorry for making you feel like this."
You want to know how the fuck i feel? I feel fucking liberated. I needed you to kill that part of me that desperately needed to be violently mutilated and it's head hoisted atop a pike.
I figure the only way well be friends is if we hang out and i tell you, your such a bitch! you should have fucking told me in the first place that you knew you would always have desperately wanted to be with Mina... no that wouldn't have been enough. I needed to see how much you depend on him in your life. To see that you'd throw your life out in the trash. To see how you handled problems with cursing and ignorance. To find out how you don't think things through logically. To see how you lose the moral of the story as soon as the show is over.
And whats our moral of the story of Africa?
The Cruelest thing you can ever do to someone, is have them deeply in love with you and say you love them, but never do.
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