N.L.M.J. a.k.a. Ember
3 weeks pass and I just got shot down from another girl I just met. It was saturday. I was distraught, but I knew I had to make up for it in a brash attempt to regain lost ground on finding someone. I thought of those blue-green eyes. The freckles on her skin. How cute she made her outfit look. I went to tacobell on break again, determined. She was there. I joke with her at the register and sit down to eat. I nervously plan out how to ask her if she would like to hangout with me. I take a breath, note the times I've done it before, come up to the counter and ask her for a bag. As I prepared to open my mouth for an awkward attempt at flirtation, She Handed Me Her Number. I was in shock. I fled to my car, I hurried up work, and I sat in my work parkinglot thinking about what to say. "Heyy, :)"
And that was the beginning. We talked incessantly. She had work the next day until 11 and we had talked all throughout her shift. I told her I couldn't wait to meet her, and she said the same. Something I found to be a pattern for the rest of the time we spent together. I asked if she wanted to hangout when she got off work. She said yes. I show up to her house at 1:00am because I got lost. She silently creeped around the corner of her house as she had to sneak out the backdoor. God, She was beautiful. She was in pajamas but if you can make the uniform of tacobell look stunning, nothing else should even be a suprise. We walked over to a gazebo overlooking a lake. It was quiet and the overlooking street lights created a glimmer over the calm water. We talked about our lives. We talked about our aspirations. It felt, like everything just fucking fit.
We continued walking and kept finding things to be beyond real between us. I felt this strong feeling in my gut the moment I sat next to her and I knew she did too. We walked through her neighborhood as she told me her past. Her ex-boyfriend was physically abusive to the extent of which I cannot mention among other things. She didn't want me to tell anyone about it, and i'm sure if she knew I was just mentioning this to the public she would break down crying. Among things that are on a need to know basis, her mother was a druggy. Her father was a drunk, who also physically abused her. Her parents had a long fought custody battle over her, she never really had a home. She constantly moved back and forth. She lived in florida before coming up to nj. Long-story short, she never really had anyone to care for her, be there for her, even give her a present, or even treat her with kindness. All she ever wanted was love from someone.
We laid in the middle of a street down a windy road in her neighborhood. We looked up at the sky hoping to see the stars. It was cloudier than a snowstorm in winter. "Man this was a great idea, its so beautiful, the clouds are blocking the stars and everything." We laughed and felt the vulnerability of the street. We got up because the rocks had begun to dig into our sides. We started walking and I told her, "You know, if you don't have to go back at anytime, I'm probably going to stay up all night with you." She looked at me calmly, her bright blue-green eyes shimmering even at night. She slowly widened a smile, and said "I'd like that." This girl was as crazy at love as I was. I couldn't believe it. She told me that she fell for me the first time she saw me 3 weeks ago as I did her. She said that the moment she saw me again coming back to tacobell she just had to give me her number. She told me she nervously thought of ways to give it to me and went through at least 50 different situations in her head. God she was just like me.
We walked around more, and I told her about my subwoofer in my car. She said she'd love to hear it and became ecstatic at how loud it could be. We laughed more times than we could breathe. We were driving around aimlessly. I asked her where she wanted to go, she said the Moon. I laughed and said sure. We get lost somewhere down south of new egypt leaving from robbinsville. On the ride, She told me she believed in fairy tales. Everything in my mind made me want to prove to her that such a thing could exist. She kept telling me in between glimpses of admiration and infatuation that she felt like she was in a movie. I told her, let's watch the sunrise. And we did.
We drove to belmar and walked on the boardwalk after stopping at a dunkin donuts. As we returned from the walk, we got in my car and she looked at me. I looked at her. I kiss her and ask her to be with me. It came so fluent. It felt so fucking natural. She said yes undoubtly, and sealed it with another kiss. We headed home with the new sun above our heads and headed back west to her house for what little sleep she could salvage. As she left she had a stutter and kissed me goodbye.
We hung out the next day and I told her I felt fucking crazy because I wanted to tell her I loved her just the second day. Yeah, I know, I'm crazy. But maybe you just haven't met someone so perfectly fitting with who you were. She told me, "You know when I left last night, I nearly told you I loved you." She than poised a pathetic rouse of a question. "So, if there was a girl hypothetically, who wanted to spend every day with you.. would you think that's weird?" she spoke with the best disguise she could. I told her. "That's fucking awesome. I wouldn't want anything else." She smiled. She grabbed my hand. She kissed me.
From that day on, we were within a hands grasp with each other. I told everyone about her, and introduced her to my friends. She loved everything about me, that I played guitar, was a going to be a nurse, cared about helping people, and wanted nothign else but to make people happy. After introducing her to my friend mike, he told me that she was absolutely obsessed with me. I was still in shock that I was so in love with her that I hadn't truly realized it. She was. And I loved every ounce of obsession. We even made a huge prank that week, we had gotten her tongue pierced at a tattoo parlor and knowing how most of my friends knew this girl was crazy about me we thought it would have been hilarious to make everyone think she got a tattoo of my name. Haha, fuck, we had gotten the tattoo guy to put a bandage on her and show mike and my cousin. I fooled everyone else with pictures. We had laughed so hard when we were by ourselves we would fall over. We made a promise to never show anyone until far down the line of our relationship, joking "See the tattoo was a good idea guys!" God I was so in love with her. I drove her to and from work because she didn't have a car, because her ex-boyfriend wouldn't let her get a license. (They were going out since she was 15 until this last November.)
On the following friday we had a conversation I know I'll never forget. Her features and face with her ever so soft voice, fucking forever embedded in my memory for as long as this love will last. We were in my car and I was driving. She said, "I'd like to spend the rest of my life with you." Before commenting on her statement, my eyes struck a chord of logic, "You know were absolutely crazy right? Like bat shit moving way too fast bat shit crazy right?" She asked "How?" in a deep passionate voice with a serious face. Her question made sense because of her abusive background. I told her because most people wouldn't even consider it without really knowing one another. I ranted on about how we don't know who each other really was. That we could have habits or little things about us that we wouldn't like, rationalizing it all as it's dangerous to love someone when little things like that could emerge. She spoke with that strong passionate voice again, "Well, if we love each other, we can do anything and cope with whatever comes our way." My heart responded "I fucking love you, Nikki." Her's "I love you too." I'm shy to write this, but we joked about getting married in ireland. We joked about having kids; one girl, one boy. We joked about imagining what our lives would be like and where we would be. When we went to her bank earlier that day she told me, "This is how big our house is going to be." The thought of how she embraced my side and how perfectly fit her head was leaning on my shoulder still makes me warm. On the way home, we made plans to go to dinner the next night so I could properly introduce her to my mom. When I got home that night texted her in bed, "I can't wait to see you tomorrow."
I woke up to her text the morning of the dinner "I love youuuuuuuuu." I told her I'd be there soon to pick her up. I told her what time I got out of work on the way to her job and she bashfully hugged my shoulder "I really hope she likes me..." I asked why even though I knew , but I just wanted to get a more detailed sense of her reasoning, "Because I want everyone in your life to approve of me, I know how much they mean to you and I really want you to be happy." I responded exactly how I did those last 5 days, "I f'n love you babe." She literally hadn't ceased to amaze me the entire week.
At work, I worked hard, I sweat, I got everything eagerly done early to try and make it out to see her. I texted her while in this flurry of a mess:
"Me: Hey I think I may be here late bal;kerjb;arbkjarl;kj fuckinggg they packed the schedule today until like 4:20, but i'm hoping that i'm out way earlier than htat.
Her: Aww that's okay hunny :)
Me: Booo no it's not I want to hangout with youuu
Her: We have our whole life babyboy :) cheer up buttercup i'm not gone forever.
Me: Aww I fn love you babe. You make my day :)"
I continue to work not suspecting a thing.
Break comes by:
Me: I just got on break can i call youuuu?
Break ended.
1:30 pm:
Me: Babbbeee! >:O (angry face on mistake)
Me: I hate how angry that face looks
Me: Lol
Me: :O is what I want
2:30 pm:
Me: babybabybaby
Me: Heyyy are you ready btw? I may get out between 3 and 4:30
3:00 pm:
Me: Babbbbeee!!
3:26 pm:
Me: I'm out!!!
3:45 pm:
Me: Where are you :(
4:40 pm:
Me: NIKKIIIIII
6:00 pm:
Me: gaj;boarjbalkrjb;a
I log onto facebook:
Our protagonist
"BABE! you got me so worried get back to me asap :<
also.. i thought about moving out, I have money saved over so... we'd actually could do it if we wanted to.."
Ember
"Relaly. I'm hanging with a friend of mine in nyc:) plz dnt be mad. Kinda drunk"
Disappointment. Lies. Bullshit. Every girl that's ever shut me down. Every person that's gained my everything that threw it to fucking waste. I became angry, not at her, at what she had done.
I thought it didn't make any sense, there has to be an explanation. She was fighting with her cousin's husband who said she didn't do anything in the house. That she was a leech not doing anything for them. She had 6 days a week of work. She had 10 hour shifts lined up this week. She had scheduled getting her license on her birthday. She told me a few days prior, "My cousin's husband is bipolar, he's blowing up at the house and is about to leave my cousin. He said either she leaves or I do." I thought maybe it had to do something with her cousin kicking her out, not having a phone, only just being able to message me on facebook through her friends phone?
Our protagonist:
"...the hell
you couldn't even tell me?
i was freggin worried about you
we really gotta talk about this later"
Sunday comes. No word from her. I get home, my mom tells me her facebook is gone. I tell her she's crazy. I go upstairs. It's gone. hundreds of friends and pictures for years. Gone. The downward spiral was as fast as the love that I grew for her.
Searched her name. Nothing.
I texted her more. Nothing.
I call her. Her phone line was disconnected.
I show up to her work to see or ask if she's working. She quit.
I show up to her cousins house knowing he would be pissed as all hell to see a guy at his door.
Me: Are you Frank?
Frank: Yeah...
Me: You don't know me, my name is Dave Nemeth. Has nikki ever mentioned me?
Frank: What the fuck. No she didn't. Why the fuck does she have guys coming to my house?
[He stepped out the door closer to me to intimidate me.]
Me: I'm sorry, I don't mean to upset you.
Frank: The fuck, she's not here.
Me: I really apologize I didn't mean to get you upset, I know the situation.
As I begun to walk back, I saw a glimpse of rational thought in his outburst of anger. He calmed down a bit as he saw I was leaving.
Frank: She fucking moved back to florida.
I'm going to remember this story for a long ass time. It's funny too, the solar eclipse happened the night we spent together, we couldn't see it. But if you're a stupid mush for retarded ass cheezy coincidences- The time that we spent finding our love together was spent only after the stars had perfectly aligned. On that night. At that moment. With her hand in mine.
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