Birthday party

My little cousins, he's 2.

There's tons of people here.
They don't look familiar and they make me worried.

Am I paranoid?
Do I have a problem?

I see everyone as a potential chance to fuck up,
To make someone else think less of me,
To make my life worse.

I can't help but think of the worst-
Pessismist.
That's what they call me.
Id rather stay right where I am than stick a hand out.

I imagine the feeling like sleeping with your limb off your bed,
Knowing its out
In the open
Hanging,
Ready to be finally separated from the rest of my body
Completely.

God, this would be a time where i'd scratch the walls of insanity right when I had Tuesday to rely on. But now I don't.

I think I'm going to leave, there's tons of people here, and 3 have noticed my tendency to avoid people.

One spoke and said "dinning alone tonight?"

I smiled and spoke quite honorably in an upbeat pace,

"Yeah I guess so!"
I laughed pretending like I didn't notice.

Sometimes acting well is a horrible thing.