Yesterday was Beautiful, But I Forgot Today is the Beginning of Next Week.

I'm a broken record. I am a cell constantly going through the phases of mitosis.

I finally got over her. I really did. I had her out of my thoughts, out of my mind. Finally could find the use in things. The eclectic appreciation for every little thing bloomed graciously.

Then, of course, there she was. Yet again the cold steel of her methods hooked my heart. She didn't have to try hard to get me. I hate everything about her, her personality, her choices, her opinions. I hate everything that she lives for, I really can't think of a single reason why I want to be with her besides, well.. The need for someone, anyone.

I caught her looking at me today. It was a single missed step into what I realize now was a bear trap; the metal teeth were dense like an iron skillet, rusted to show it's potential ability to make all outlooks grave. But I loved it. I loved every second of it. The pain of her device is delayed. I'm expecting it to hit my brain, oh about, Friday.

She loves it too, but I know she won't accept it and follow where her eyes do.

When were in a room alone she jumps at every moment to leave. She's afraid of talking to me. Afraid of becoming so connected like we once were, afraid of picking up where we last left off.

I know what I need to do:
I gotta find some fucking self-respect and get the fuck out of this endless loop of bullshit. Realize that the only reason I'm so stuck on her is because I think there's a lack of options of my life. I can count 3 out of the 100 connections I could possibly have with her and it feels like it's something special. I need to get out, talk, make friends, and realize, the shit I put up with isn't meant to be. It's meant to be thrown out of line of the human species, to disregard the fuck ups and undesirable persons.

...darwinism