I broke up with my girlfriend of 4 years. I'm afraid to write about her to find out who I am and to actually realize what I've done. But I don't feel any regret.
I fell hard for a girl named Kryptonite. She was a crazy party goer. I found out she lives outside her head. she doesn't think she just acts. It's beautiful. I can't think of a girl who has more of an attractive personality, so much so I can't even handle it. She gave me a let's just be friends speech. Were just friends now and I'm actually okay with that. (because i don't think i could come to terms with her lifestyle and personality.)
I fell hard for a girl named Africa. She was a "down" to earth vegan hippie. She loves nerds and guys who talk about anything that shows intelligence. She can't let go of her ex who i'm sure has a girlfriend and i think is using her for self-appreciation. I think she cries every other night fighting to find out why he doesn't love her. She told me she likes me, but doesn't want to do anything about it. Her reasons: I need to find myself, your to good for me, I'm still in love with my ex, and my life is to complicated right now. It drove me on the lowest of lows of my life thus far.
Where I am now: Lost. Very, very, fucking lost. I think i'm still on the rebound of being in love with Africa. I can't find happiness yet again but i'm trying to power through it. I started talking to myself which i find hilarious but I honestly feel that it helps.
I still feel alone, not in the sense of relationships really. In the sense of I have no friends I can really confide in. I have one friend who I speak to, but he's got enough shit on his plate as well and I feel I've worn his support thin from frequently questioning every doubt in my mind.
New Years is just around the corner. I plan to be over Africa by then, grow a self-esteem, get balls of steel, live with an undoubted confidence.
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