Regrets Are What Makes Life Worth Living.

Ammunition: 3 shots Vodka, 1 shot tequila, 2 rolling rocks, and an 8oz bottle of cheap vodka.

I went out last night with Care-bear and his girlfriend Zohana. Care-bear and I go way back to the dark days of high school. We were both outcast-ed losers from the crowds of normal people. Never going to parties and staying in to bleach our skin in fear of the sun; our hands were the only moving part of our body for hours.

I danced with some Hispanic girl/lady. She definitely seemed old. First time I've danced willingly without having someone force me and it was the most gut wrenching thing in the world. I felt completely awkward and stupid, thank god for all the alcohol. It was nuts.

Excuse the lack of effort and emotion writing, I'm [drained.] Whatever that means. Here's Why!

Txt Massages. Mmm massages.

Africa: Hey.. I have something to talk to you about. The night you came out with me and my friends you decided to tell them we "make out all the time." I'm sure you said it cause you were drunk but I am a private person. I do not like people to know my business and for you to tell my friends is wrong. There was no reason at all for that. I would appreciate you not doing it again. Hope you understand where I am coming from.


Me: I didn't say all the time i said we made out a couple of times and I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have said that.. You're completely right and i won't say it again... I really should have thought about it first and considered how you felt about it.. It was a complete douche move and I hope I didn't fuck up anything.


Africa: It just makes me feel uncomfortable bringing you around my friends... Like I was introducing you to people who are close to me and you did that. Its just truly doesnt make sense to me why that would have been brought up. I thought we were friends and friends wouldn't do that idk.


Me: It was weird how it brought up.. And we are friends but I was a dumb drunken douchebag and i'm sorry about making things uncomfortable. And it's alright if you don't want to be friends with me i'd understand


Africa: I just would really appreciate if you never do that again.


Me: I won't

Hahahah. Kanye West - Runaway just turned onto my pandora.
I digress.

So all of my words were half felt. I really meant everything I said but I don't really care what I said. I will live up to my word and all but.. I don't know. It's just like the way Jobro (My bestest) was telling me I was groveling like a little bitch. I felt like I didn't at first. But afterward I was angry I didn't deacon effect her. (YOU NEED TO DROP HER YOU DUMB FUCK.) I just reread everything and I completely think my words were appropriate.

But there's something weird about the way I spoke, I just didn't care. Its like I'm debasing my self in words to her, but I'm not on the inside. I'm capping myself. I'm not thinking about a topic that could change my thought processes. I love the way I speak and deal with problems like that. I don't want to change that. But am I okay with living a lie and not knowing the truth?

I press truth.

I didn't have feeling in my words because i don't care about her because she hurt me. But i tell her what she wants to hear and be what she wants me to be because i want it to be okay between us and i hate it when people are upset.

Phew I thought there was a flaw in my personality that could have changed the way i viewed people forever! Awesomeness.

Hm lost in thought.

Conclusive Crazy Talk:

Are you over Africa?

Pretty much if i have someone else

So that's no.

I guess so.

Why do you guess?

I only said it because I'm having trouble accepting the fact.

You're drained, you can't feel emotions right now.

You're right. I don't know how to end this post.

How about Happy New Years?

Happy New Years