Care-bear land Aint so Pretty.

Just wanted to say that Care-bear's girlfriend is a bitch and he needs to open his eyes and realize that she inst worth it.

1. She hates all the decisions he makes
2. She points out all his flaws blatantly
3. She had a 10 minute conversation telling me how i'm hot In front of him
4. She constantly called him a pussy/pansy/bitch
5. She made fun of the size of his dick in front of him

Bitch no?

Care-bear there's better. Love little or love cautiously.

Regrets Are What Makes Life Worth Living.

Ammunition: 3 shots Vodka, 1 shot tequila, 2 rolling rocks, and an 8oz bottle of cheap vodka.

I went out last night with Care-bear and his girlfriend Zohana. Care-bear and I go way back to the dark days of high school. We were both outcast-ed losers from the crowds of normal people. Never going to parties and staying in to bleach our skin in fear of the sun; our hands were the only moving part of our body for hours.

I danced with some Hispanic girl/lady. She definitely seemed old. First time I've danced willingly without having someone force me and it was the most gut wrenching thing in the world. I felt completely awkward and stupid, thank god for all the alcohol. It was nuts.

Excuse the lack of effort and emotion writing, I'm [drained.] Whatever that means. Here's Why!

Txt Massages. Mmm massages.

Africa: Hey.. I have something to talk to you about. The night you came out with me and my friends you decided to tell them we "make out all the time." I'm sure you said it cause you were drunk but I am a private person. I do not like people to know my business and for you to tell my friends is wrong. There was no reason at all for that. I would appreciate you not doing it again. Hope you understand where I am coming from.


Me: I didn't say all the time i said we made out a couple of times and I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have said that.. You're completely right and i won't say it again... I really should have thought about it first and considered how you felt about it.. It was a complete douche move and I hope I didn't fuck up anything.


Africa: It just makes me feel uncomfortable bringing you around my friends... Like I was introducing you to people who are close to me and you did that. Its just truly doesnt make sense to me why that would have been brought up. I thought we were friends and friends wouldn't do that idk.


Me: It was weird how it brought up.. And we are friends but I was a dumb drunken douchebag and i'm sorry about making things uncomfortable. And it's alright if you don't want to be friends with me i'd understand


Africa: I just would really appreciate if you never do that again.


Me: I won't

Hahahah. Kanye West - Runaway just turned onto my pandora.
I digress.

So all of my words were half felt. I really meant everything I said but I don't really care what I said. I will live up to my word and all but.. I don't know. It's just like the way Jobro (My bestest) was telling me I was groveling like a little bitch. I felt like I didn't at first. But afterward I was angry I didn't deacon effect her. (YOU NEED TO DROP HER YOU DUMB FUCK.) I just reread everything and I completely think my words were appropriate.

But there's something weird about the way I spoke, I just didn't care. Its like I'm debasing my self in words to her, but I'm not on the inside. I'm capping myself. I'm not thinking about a topic that could change my thought processes. I love the way I speak and deal with problems like that. I don't want to change that. But am I okay with living a lie and not knowing the truth?

I press truth.

I didn't have feeling in my words because i don't care about her because she hurt me. But i tell her what she wants to hear and be what she wants me to be because i want it to be okay between us and i hate it when people are upset.

Phew I thought there was a flaw in my personality that could have changed the way i viewed people forever! Awesomeness.

Hm lost in thought.

Conclusive Crazy Talk:

Are you over Africa?

Pretty much if i have someone else

So that's no.

I guess so.

Why do you guess?

I only said it because I'm having trouble accepting the fact.

You're drained, you can't feel emotions right now.

You're right. I don't know how to end this post.

How about Happy New Years?

Happy New Years

The Deacon Effect?

I can't find this article but I need to read it. I hear it's about how being an asshole get's you girls. Which I really really fucking despise but it has to hold some truth. It's bullshit and I will never treat a girl poorly. I need to know what is, how it's done, why it works, and hopefully not lose my faith in humanity.

Also met a girl at some local restaurant. She was a pretty cute waitress and I asked her if my gay friend and I made a good couple. She seemed to be interested in me laughing a little and my friends told me I'm drunk and out of my mind. She definitely gave me some extra eye contact after that. I'm punching my self in the head for not asking for her number or at least making another move. Ah well!

I'm still thinking of Africa and hoping I can be friends but I'm not sure if it'll work. I'm hoping that reading the Deacon Effect will help me put some sense into her head. Right now, I'm sure helping her fix her life isn't the best thing for me. It makes me afraid because I'd be stirring up the emotions I desperately try to extinguish and put behind me.

Recap: Since I've Started this Blog

I broke up with my girlfriend of 4 years. I'm afraid to write about her to find out who I am and to actually realize what I've done. But I don't feel any regret.

I fell hard for a girl named Kryptonite. She was a crazy party goer. I found out she lives outside her head. she doesn't think she just acts. It's beautiful.  I can't think of a girl who has more of an attractive personality, so much so I can't even handle it. She gave me a let's just be friends speech. Were just friends now and I'm actually okay with that. (because i don't think i could come to terms with her lifestyle and personality.)

I fell hard for a girl named Africa. She was a "down" to earth vegan hippie. She loves nerds and guys who talk about anything that shows intelligence. She can't let go of her ex who i'm sure has a girlfriend and i think is using her for self-appreciation. I think she cries every other night fighting to find out why he doesn't love her. She told me she likes me, but doesn't want to do anything about it. Her reasons: I need to find myself, your to good for me, I'm still in love with my ex, and my life is to complicated right now. It drove me on the lowest of lows of my life thus far.

Where I am now: Lost. Very, very, fucking lost. I think i'm still on the rebound of being in love with Africa. I can't find happiness yet again but i'm trying to power through it. I started talking to myself which i find hilarious but I honestly feel that it helps.

I still feel alone, not in the sense of relationships really. In the sense of I have no friends I can really confide in. I have one friend who I speak to, but he's got enough shit on his plate as well and I feel I've worn his support thin from frequently questioning every doubt in my mind.



New Years is just around the corner. I plan to be over Africa by then, grow a self-esteem, get balls of steel, live with an undoubted confidence.

Just woke up.

I will not speak to her, unless she speaks first. It's a start.

Okay so talk to me shit-face. Whats the matter now?

I feel like everything I say is misconnected. I'm fucking upset because i put so much effort and thought into my words and I feel like she doesn't even give a shit. and i've been doing it forever.

what do you mean misconnected?

I mean i try to make connections with her so we can relate.

Do you think you have to try so hard to relate with someone?

no..

How do you think she feels?

I can't really fucking tell she likes me sometimes and sometimes she doesnt.

Well why the fuck do you think she deserves you?

She doesn't.. I have no self-respect or idea of value. I am valueless.

Well guess what shitface theres your problem. Get some fucking value.

Easy for you to say.

No it's not that fucking hard. IT's just getting over your fears.

What the fuck do you think i'm afraid of?

You tell me asshole you don't want to accept it

I'm afraid of being alone.

You are alone. So what are you afraid of.

Being alone for a long time?

Born alone die alone.

I can't tell right now what i'm afraid of.

Well think deep mother fucker. Do you really like the way she is? Do you like her laugh? Do you like how she'll just blow you off when you have a different opinion? Do you like her pride when she says your wrong? Do you think that she's worth making you spend important times of your life sad and upset, instead of happy and fulfilled?

NO i don't like any of those things. At all.

Then step up, swallow the fucking horse pill, and get your ass out of this shithole. Stomp on the pedal and don't look back. Don't feel sorry, don't feel like she'll have a good idea, it's all about trying to get her to like you. Your done with this shit.-- Also do what makes you happy be it porn, video games, drawing, photography, talking to anyone, doing things for people, anything. Don't be worried about making a repertoire of personality traits that you think are awesome. Don't let some dumb girl's judgments change you. You are who you are, and that's all you can be.

why the hell do i have to talk to myself to figure out problems now??

you tell me.

No Woman No Cry.

Just wanted a post dedicated to the awesomeness of bob marley and this song.

No woman, no cry
No woman, no cry
No woman, no cry
No woman, no cry

Said said
Said I remember when we used to sit
In the government yard in Trenchtown
Oba, ob-serving the hypocrites
As they would mingle with the good people we meet
Good friends we have had, oh good friends we've lost along the way
In this bright future you can't forget your past
So dry your tears I say

No woman, no cry
No woman, no cry
Oh my Little sister, don't she'd no tears
No woman, no cry

Said, said, said I remember when we used to sit
In the government yard in Trenchtown
And then Georgie would make the fire light
Log wood burnin' through the night
Then we would cook corn meal porridge
Of which I'll share with you

My feet is my only carriage
So I've got to push on through
But while I'm gone...

Everything's gonna be alright
Ev'rything's gonna be alright
Ev'rything's gonna be alright
Ev'rything's gonna be alright
Ev'rything's gonna be alright
Ev'rything's gonna be alright
Ev'rything's gonna be alright
Ev'rything's gonna be alright

No woman, no cry
No, no woman, no woman, no cry
Oh, little sister, don't she'd no tears
No woman, no cry

No woman, no woman, no woman, no cry
No woman, no cry
Oh, my little darlyn no she'd no tears
No woman, no cry, yeah
any sister no she'd no tears, no women no cry

After reading the lyrics I hope i have the same meaning he did in this song hah. I'm a little confused but whatever. I'll just take the meaning as the title no woman no cry.

2 Days Since I've Left Hell: ?th Regret; 5 Beers 1s of petrone and maybe something else..?

I wish I could say it's better out of the semester. Everyone always asked me what I was going to do when I got out, I had no response. I didn't want to be out of the semester. I have nothing outside of school. I need it because it brings everyone together. And I don't know how to be a friend outside of school. At least it feels that way.

Africa and me got a long well. After everything. I forgot where I left off. Probably where I said I was constantly falling in and out of love with her. Well, I thought that I was finally over her and stopped talking to her and I felt great. I avoided her at times and went to her at times. I think.. fuck I may have went to her more than avoided her. I think the only thing that was keeping me sane was lying to myself being a good friend to her to make her like me and become attracted to me. FUCK.. How can someone be so dumb and blind to lie to himself?  That's pretty embarrassing. But I do know for a fact I was becoming more comfortable by myself and not having her.

So now let me get to the night of the class. A couple of us from class went to some bar that was packed and blasting music. I've never really went to bars that much before.. Never had anyone to go with. So I got there first somehow. Ended up waiting like 35 minutes for anyone to show up.. Don't know how the fuck that happened but I looked like an ass standing there by myself for that entire time. My social anxiety was prettttyyy fucking intense, i past the parking lot twice because i was afraid to pull in. I knew it was valet parking and I just felt like I'd look like an ass somehow. like i'd pull in the wrong entrance, or they'd say something i didn't understand and then they'd all think of me as some dumb-shit loser. So after having sat on a side street in-front of some houses I just said fuck it i gotta do it eventually, grew a pair and went in and everything went fine..

So after the episode of just hanging around doing nothing for half a freggin hour the first person to show up was Africa. She seemed confused and didn't know what to do when we walked in together. I was confused because she was a bartender and was as lost as i was.. Eventually she pushed me to go find out how the hell to get a drink.. So I led the way, so confused, so anxious, anxiety blasting, so un-confident. GROW some fucking balls you pussy get direction and fucking stick to it and know why. It's not fucking rocket science. I pussed out finding an opening at the bar and Africa ordered drinks for us. Very fucking smooth Mr. suave. I went to the atm to grab some money and Africa's two friends she invited to come were on her like a pack of wolves by the time i turned around.

One of them stood tall about 6'4, older looking who i find out is 26 and married, I'll call him Tangent. He was what i would have been if I had stayed with my ex.

The other, a skinny kid self-confident for his nerdy attributes seemed to believe anything he said no matter how useless was worth a hundred dollars. Unfortunately I'd equate his words to no more entertaining than the history of tractors or accordions.

(I think I'm being spiteful because he likes Africa and I don't want to imagine someone having as much as a chance I do.)

I'll call him Brody. For some reason he just reminded me of the guy from the pianist.

So I started relaying the game in my head a hundred times over. It was the perfect setting. A 3 set with only 1 AMOG. I attempted to establish value by starting conversations. I asked how everyone knew each other and ended there. Fucking crashed and burned again, gotta read the entire book i guess haha. It was near impossible to do anything because the music was so loud it shattered any chance of communication farther than 3 inches.  Eventually, we decided to leave the bar to some other one that was more "chill" according to Tangent. At the instant we were leaving, The Trio showed up. 3 girls from my nursing class. They were already drunk by the time they got there, they seemed super fun and i kind of regret leaving the bar. One of the Trio had just broke up with her boyfriend and looked super upset that I was leaving, she gave me an exaggerated sad face and gave a limp goodbye with her hand. Wonder if we coulda hooked up.. ah well. Me, Africa, Tangent, and Brody all left for the other bar.

Fucking scary ass bar. About over a dozen people sitting there, slouched, outgrown beards, not a single one female, obviously, the jukebox was blasting screaming death metal, and the bartender looked like a skin head ready to break my face in with the baseball bat hidden under the bar. Everything in the bar was dark, dark stained wood and bland. The mirror behind the alcohol looked smudged from fingerprints and dirty hands. Brody came to me and said that his was there place, and that it was their bar of choice. A few of the intimidating gentlemen sporting tattoos on their neck and hands turned their heads over at us to size us up. I was pretty confused by the looks of Brody but it didn't seem like this was their crowd but hey whatever.  We ordered a couple of drinks and Africa's parents came by to drink along. Her father reminded me of Gomez from the Adams family but seemed like a pretty nice guy. Her mom I met already at our hospital seems very friendly and easy to get along with.

Me and Tangent started talking and I asked him how married life was. He made it pretty apparent he hated it. That it was nothing he expected and from what Africa told me, he flirts with other girls constantly but never gets their number. That would have been me, though I'd feel something more than guilty to be even flirting with girls.  He married her before he went out to be deployed. He was in the army and said that's the reason he got married. Married for 7 years.

Brody had a habit of making this wall between me and Africa. I'd constantly find himself interjecting his skinny body between us. He'd hang his elbow on the bar and put all of his weight on one leg. He looked like what nerd's like us would dream of acting like to a girl we don't know that we were trying to flirt with for the first time. He was being our ideal of smooth. I don't think he realized that it doesn't work like that when it's your friend who is not interested in you at all.

I jumped to the bathroom starting to feel that sweet drunken haze. I came back just to find Africa waiting for me. (My heart just skipped a beat writing that thinking I should message her.) She said that we were going to another bar and that she hated her drink and we switched chugged and left. It was just a friends thing. We walked and Bordy drove Africa's car. I drove mine, we went down the street somewhere I don't know how and parked somewhere me over reving like crazy because manuals are awesome. We go into a better looking bar and i'm already close to getting drunk drunk and ordered another beer.

Brody divided Africa yet again and unfortunately there is no 1989 to his Berlin wall. It's hard to write at this point because it's just getting painful to think about. I'm going to scratch it out as best i can.

We drank, I found out Tangent loves philosophy. He talked him self to boredom. I listened intently but apparently he has no meaning behind his words, i think hes just wishing he could experience things he wants to. Everyone sang kareoke, africa asked if i would sing with her i said i would. She never came to get me. Brody, Tangent and I all stepped out to smoke and I asked Brody if he was into Africa. He spoke a very long winded response somehow turning into a question and  basically said he wouldnt tell, I asked Tangent earlier and he said without a doubt. I told him if you do than do something about it. Don't wait just go for it. Staying in limbo is a whole new hell. I told him we had a thing and we hooked up and i think he looked slightly distraught. I laughed inside my head. Africa tried to get me riled up like everyone else but I was out of it, In a place i didn't know, with people i barely knew, Africa being the only one i slightly knew and didn't want to speak to. It was a bad situation to be in, why did i go? Eventually we get back to our cars, Africa wanted me to stay over her house, I said i didn't want to because i knew i shouldn't on principle of getting the fuck over her, but i did.

She cooked some food for me got a water, and I took a drunken video of myself saying where i was and what was going on. I spilled the water and stared down hercat for as long as it took Africa to take a shower and puke hah. Eventually she realized that I was laying on the floor and she pointed me over to the guest room. I stopped in the bathroom to give myself a whirl at the toilet and emptied my stomach of what remainder of beer was left. I washed up stepped out and hear her crying and yelling.

She was on her phone talking with her ex. She was so upset and angry. Yelling at the top of her lungs "why don't you love me". She mentioned something about another girl. He sounded like he was un-phased. I wish I heard what he said so i could assess the situation better and create a solution. Eventually she hung up the phone and stepped out. I hugged her and she cried. She asked me why he doesn't love her. I said i don't know. She started holding my arm and her tears covered my hands and forearms. Eventually i think she became embarrassed of herself and didn't want me to see her or didn't want me to hold her and feel anything of her. I tried to come back to holding her and she gently stepped out of reach and put me on the bed. She asked if i needed anything else and went back to her room. I was still distraught and worried. Her cat came in the room and i pet it like i knew how cat's loved to be pet. right under their collar. Every cat loves that. The longer you scratch there the longer they'll be with you and want to be around you. Eventually I heard her crying and yelling again. I couldn't take it.. I came to her door knocking. I didn't know what to say i just wanted her to stop crying and being upset. I looked over to the cat on my bed and said that her cat was in my room. I kept knocking and i don't think she heard me. She kept talking and the cat walked out.. I didn't care i lied.. i said it was still in there and knocked even more and she told me to go away. fucking idiot you should have. she came out looked for the cat and she said it wasn't there. I tried to talk to her as soon as she found out the cat wasn't there.. she brushed me off and went back to her room. I sat in the bed for a while before falling asleep.

I woke up the next morning to her making me breakfast and my head still spinning and getting rid of the a buzz. Her brother drove me to my car and me and Africa hugged and she said see you soon. I tried desperately to make her laugh driving home txting her. She did. I was glad. Its the only thing that makes me truly happy right now. And that may be wrong for me to feel that way. But she should know this best, your heart doesn't agree or follow with whats right or wrong, it does what it pleases.


I hope this break is long enough to where I completely forget about how i feel for her. I doubted it the way i was going before writing this. Now I'm feeling better.



Kryptonite called me later in the afternoon, she asked if i could come with her to go Christmas shopping. I did. I'm not sure what she expects from me and I'm not sure why i went. Probably because i think she's gorgeous and has an awesome personality. I felt akward and didn't know what to do with myself. She's so self-sufficient it seems ridiculous. i'm jealous how she can be so happy and content with her life and how she doesn't spend that much time thinking. She just does.

It's time you met me.

Well I'm tired of being depressed like a fucking puss. Really am. Suicide was considered, but hey who hasn't.

To meet an end from a woman's simple kiss. I fear Africa had power far greater than Kryptonite. I don't really think I'll ever do it. Tuesday, is the last day I'll see her for a while. Recently she's been flirting with me consistently. I make advances only to stop half-shot. All my words and actions are bursting with energy to meet an invisible wall that makes them drop dead. I still wait on her every word. I looked at my jacket today in disgust after coming home pulling a black velvet curtain to the day i left behind my front door. It reminded me that i went outside, to school. Early in hopes of seeing her and spending time together. She asked what time I'd be there.  All my thoughts are on how to rouse her to make her irresistible to me.

She's happy with her boyfriend now

You don't know that.

Why don't you just get over her?

Easy for you to say.

What's holding you back?

If she asked me, do you still like me? i'd respond: does water still feel wet when it rains? does it still burn when you put your hand to fire? does the moon not chase the sun despite how much he dearly needs her warmth? Even when he floats in the dead of night, you can still that she reflects on him, in his thoughts and his skin.

You have no reason of liking her.

She's all I have that makes me happy.

Why?

Because i'm alone. I have no one.

Your still getting over your ex aren't you?

Maybe.

Do you want her back?

Not her, someone. Someone to understand me and be there for me.

Wasn't she?

Yeah

Then why wouldn't you want her? you know you can still have her.

Well, she wasn't enough for me. She could have been anyone. And I couldn't help but find myself falling for other girls. I couldn't be in the relationship and do that to her.

You realizing your talking to yourself right?

Yes.

Good.

It feels that way when I speak to you, me, whoever is consoling me.

Sated

Meaningless. Nothing has value, and i love it. I've never been so okay with a vast emptiness. a sweet release from all that has been keeping me down. To stay in that moment, so evaporated in mind, to be gaseous and have such a minuscule physical accountability.

I'm afraid Love has lost itself in my vocabulary. Strayed afar, I'm not sure if it's still insight. I've become melancholy for the vicious acts of debridement of heart and soul.

Motivation has returned. I want to create something beautiful. Do my best in everything. Become the greatest possible person I can be. To be the one that everyone admires. To be looked upon as a man above men. To show such kindness and understanding that I put even the greatest people in my shadow. To be calm in the times where all stand fearful. To achieve such heights that the countless can't perceive.

Fate I do not tempt you, I only show you my courage.

Picture I took:

Don't read this. I'm not thinking.

Emptyness. there is no next step. there is only the steps that could have been. I feel high. but i'm far from it. Let me leave these walls i've learned so well. I know every inch and every detail, fully memorized i see which path they each will lead; i see all possibilities, i see every tangent and dimension.

I want. completely nonjudgmental conversation. to empty my soul.

I remember when i used to dream, when i had ambition, when i had an unending motivation that just needed direction.


I loved this, i wrote it last winter.

             what it is                                                 
              wind crys winter                                         
          so i'll study forever,                                         
           and when i wake up                                        
        water is cold before wet.                                          
            life's a life.                                    
            live it, love it, and die already.

Yesterday was Beautiful, But I Forgot Today is the Beginning of Next Week.

I'm a broken record. I am a cell constantly going through the phases of mitosis.

I finally got over her. I really did. I had her out of my thoughts, out of my mind. Finally could find the use in things. The eclectic appreciation for every little thing bloomed graciously.

Then, of course, there she was. Yet again the cold steel of her methods hooked my heart. She didn't have to try hard to get me. I hate everything about her, her personality, her choices, her opinions. I hate everything that she lives for, I really can't think of a single reason why I want to be with her besides, well.. The need for someone, anyone.

I caught her looking at me today. It was a single missed step into what I realize now was a bear trap; the metal teeth were dense like an iron skillet, rusted to show it's potential ability to make all outlooks grave. But I loved it. I loved every second of it. The pain of her device is delayed. I'm expecting it to hit my brain, oh about, Friday.

She loves it too, but I know she won't accept it and follow where her eyes do.

When were in a room alone she jumps at every moment to leave. She's afraid of talking to me. Afraid of becoming so connected like we once were, afraid of picking up where we last left off.

I know what I need to do:
I gotta find some fucking self-respect and get the fuck out of this endless loop of bullshit. Realize that the only reason I'm so stuck on her is because I think there's a lack of options of my life. I can count 3 out of the 100 connections I could possibly have with her and it feels like it's something special. I need to get out, talk, make friends, and realize, the shit I put up with isn't meant to be. It's meant to be thrown out of line of the human species, to disregard the fuck ups and undesirable persons.

...darwinism

We've become motionless

Life has stopped. The brake lights have been lit for hours and the engine is cold. The battery is on it's last limbs keeping the lights on. The long road journeyed thus far seems to have hit a no outlet. This thousand mile stretch of tarmac has witnessed some of the most beautiful wonders in the world. And now it seems to end at a dumb-fuck suburban undeveloped culdesac.

Have you ever had the feeling that nothing new will happen to you? That you're stuck in the same place in time? That everyone you will meet will be no different than a breeze of the wind? The friends you have will be the same friends you will have for the rest of the life, or they will disappear resentfully.

Fuck you Africa. I want to be friends. Quit making this shit harder than it has to be.

I step out of my car to look at what should be an endless road. I step around my door, never once taking my eyes off this fucking disgrace of a point I've reached. Hands gripping the hairs on my head, I fucking begin to grieve.


What's got me held up?

Anxiety - i can't take the thought of hanging around new people.
Need for love - i don't really feel like i need it, but getting punched in the face with what could be is like a foot long 0 gauge fish hook in the cheek. That's a weekly occurance.
Friends - I'm losing one, the other blind as a bat. Can't see past his actions or think through his emotions. Acting out on anger, burnt black and jaded for the lack of answers.

I'm looking for acceptance.
I don't think me and Africa can be friends. She's to fucking ADHD and opinionated. I can't think of a time i needed friends more than now.  I'm pretty sure that's bending whats okay and whats not for who can be selected as friends.

The need for Africa is a fucking weekly occurrence. I'm so fucking sick of it. I've started to ignore her. I wish she fucking let her be her. I just want to fucking be me without her influence.

What i want to tell her.






I think i'm one of those incredibly dumb people who need someone in their life. Mainly because i have the lack of everyone right now.

I really want to be friends with you because I don't think I have any true friends anymore.

I can't tell you enough how I'm sick of this complicated shit and I wish you would just put up with it. You don't want to hear it. But when i mention it your a fucking moth to the flame. You're an asshole for not wanting to hear whats got me sick. What's put a fucking 10 ton brick on my brake. I'm afraid to tell you what's up with me because you hate me for it. So if you fucking hate me, hate me. Stay the fuck away from me. Avoid me. I can't take you.


You don't even fucking really know me. You don't. You won't even give it a fucking chance. You won't even just spend a real moment with me to figure it out. To find out who and what I really am. I can't fucking think of what that makes you, but goddammit I'm fucking sure as hell I really really need to.