This blog has been far too affected by a certain someone. I feel it really hasn't been itself in such a long time. And it's my own fault really. Being afraid, filtering the things I've been writing. I honestly didn't feel comfortable writing for the longest time. That's not good for me. Especially when this place is supposed to be one for writing out my thoughts.
After getting into a huge argument, I've realized I've mutated my perception of love. I feel that I need someone to love so badly, but I know what I call love now isn't what it's supposed to be. Somewhere along the way it got completely distorted. I'd take all forms of pain and suffering and assume it was worth it. I guess it would be, if my love was returned. But that takes a lot of hope and patience that will take a toll.
Ember's still alive. I'd be bullshitting if i didn't think of her fondly. But now, with this new idea of love, do I really love her? Do I really have a connection and need with her?
I really feel like I need to take some time off where I don't think. Just go where the day takes me. When I was speaking to ember, i'd tell her things, then i'd ask myself.. "Did i really mean to say that?" Do i truly mean those words? I can't tell. And that scares me.
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