I woke up this morning worse then ive been in a while. I hated every contraction of my muscle that got me out of bed. My back was sore, my body sweaty. The filth of my mind felt like I slept in garbage. I sat on the edge of my bed staring into space. What am I doing? I thought of everything ive been doing wrong: missing my bills, not calling my sponsor, not registering to college, not answering my phone, not talking to my father, not doing my laundry, not cleaning my apartment, not eating. My cousin left for the army months ago tried contacting me and I couldn't muster the courage to answer. My father is literally sick and dying and i'm not sure if he has anyone caring for him. Ive no career because I was caught smoking drugs. Ive no real friends because I became socially inept. The only actions I comfortably take are ones that prevent extreme consequences - paying bills and going to work.
I'm at work. Im better, but teetering on a fence.
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