Antagonizing.

    I
  FUCKING
      FORGOT

How.


To be myself and enjoy it.



I really really realllllyyyy did.



I got this incredible rush on the way to my meeting. I was happy, I was singing on the top of my lungs. I got to the meeting. My back pain kicked in. I hated everything. I hated being there. I hated hearing stories. I felt my head getting warm. I felt like I was getting sick. I gunned out to my car to walk out of the parking lot.

I called my sponsor. I left him a message. I feel like I want to speak to someone right now but, you know who I have? Myself.

My friend Calvary today, he told me: you're the only person you can depend on to make you happy.

Very true.

He told me about his life in the city.

His best friend friend was murdered along with his girlfriend and his brother at a drug deal. Funny, because you couldn't tell by the looks of him that he hung out with such a crowd. They were just selling weed, and by just I don't mean to demean it in the sense of killing. They were selling weight, but it's weed for Christ's sake. Low-life scum bags trying to make it big by selling drugs and saving money. He told me that he kept a gun with 6 bullets in it. Supposedly when the drug deal went bad, there was 6 people there when it all went down.

He also told me, he used to come across people who raped girls and did other fucked up shit. He told  me he and his best friend did it frequently. He went on to describe breaking the fingers of one of the kids with vice grips. Brutal. He said most of them cried but one kid laughed and knew why they came. I day dreamed I was there to deal out some justice. He told me about one soulless prick, we tied him to a chair and we filled a container of gasoline with water; yet it still smelled like gasoline. They doused him with the water relentlessly watching him cry out for mercy as they laughed at him. Maybe he should have realized that raping girls is something that brings conviction in men to seek ruthless revenge. They played with a zippo lighter putting it near his face acting as if he was so close to lighting up. People like him should burn in this life and the next. Calvary told me the worst he ever did was collapse someone's lung, they had to remove it and he now lives with only one. We laughed at their demise and torment. Sick? Maybe.