Trevor.

Living with mikhail has it's tolls. Privacy and being alone feels so relaxing at times. It's honestly been weeks since i could talk to my self aloud and just do whatever it is that I wish to do without having to acknowledge the presence of another. He's out drinking at a dead bar for the lack of a better thing to do.

We're poor. We're pretty fucking broke.

I've had to pay for 3 drug tests in the past 30 days just for this stupid motherfucking evaluation for my god damned nursing license. I just hope i'll still have my head on straight by the time I actually become an employed nurse. I've attended 3 meetings already with drug addicts who were actually drug addicts. The only reason I'm under the light right now is because of a petty charge of possession of marijuana and paraphernalia. Marijuana was my way to escape. Now I have alcohol, yay, that's only you know, far more debilitating and completely detrimental to your health. Thanks American government, you've really made a difference in my life.

Shit was so rough today. I woke up late for work. I set my alarm wrong. an hour late. I check in to my drug check, I have a test due. I have no food to bring to work to eat for lunch, so I need to spend 10 dollars a day that I work on food. It's as if I'm literally breaking even with the hours I work just for the food and gas to get there.

I had the intense feeling of needing someone to care about me tonight. And guess who was there for me? Myself. Too bad he don't give a damn.

I looked at myself in the mirror today.

I hated what I saw.
I hated my face.
I hated my hair.
I hated my skin.
I hated what I wore.
I hated the curves of my skinny cheeks.
I hated how when I looked at my glasses you could see they were old and worn.

You know what I did like though?
How when I look at my body,
I'm skinny as a rail
to the point where it's disgusting.
I hate my body. I just want to escape right now.