Ive been high-free for a little over 8 hours, and I have a strange sense of self. I keep getting urges to smoke and I get frustrated when I can't. Mikail is right, I shouldn't have to smoke so much when I've so much riding on what I have right now.
I need someone with me right now.
I wrote an email to Tuesday, saying I changed the password to netflix. I feel terrible that I had to. I realized my debit card changed in the time and ceased payments since august 15th. I wonder if she's still alive. I hope she's happy.
We agreed to leave each other a long time ago, she said shed contact me on her birthday. I wonder if she still loves me. I wonder if she really wasn't as crazy as she said. Id feel so happy to hear from her again, but im scared by that time Ember would be my life. Maybe these thoughts would cease if Ember was with me. I can't really put to thought what that value that leaves is in these words. That I want to speak with Tuesday only until I find out Ember is worth it.
Am I fucked up for needing love?
Ember is worth it...
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