Tonight

My head feels heavy. I can't sleep really. I wonder if i'm getting that side effect. I felt an easy stomach all night. My head was dizzy slightly at times. Hah, eyes. I bent over and had a head rush. We can share them now. I'm sitting here, feeling. Heavy. I can't get Tonight out of my head by lykke li. It's beautiful.

I spoke with my cousin/brother today. He came home from a break at work. I found him on the couch. He's always really interested to hear my adventures with meeting girls. I don't think he knows how much it takes out of me. I told him I was depressed. He told me he knew. Probably from his mom, from my mom. I opened up conversation about it by asking him how it was when he took them. He told me he was on Zoloft and it made him feel numb.  I told him I was on lexapro just for two days now. We talked about life. The way he sees things. The way he got out of his rut. He said he just got used to living. He got used to being in that way. And it just eventually stopped. I wonder if that will happen to me. I believe it wont. That's my crux. Wish I could believe otherwise. We talked about life and he made me happy. He made me see a way out of the depression. But i've lost it now. It had to do something with goals. Always be going toward a goal. I'm going to write them down on my dry erase board now.

GOALS
-move out
-become a pilot
-gain weight
-good grades
-graduate
-draw something beautiful
-find something you love.
-converse with a stranger each day

I should be eating. Shite.

Don't you let me go let me go tonight.

Don't you let me go let me go tonight.

Don't you let me go let me go tonight.

Don't you let me go let me go tonight.

Don't you let me go let me go tonight.

Don't you let me go let me go tonight.