Therapy

How are you?

Uncomfortable.

I'm sorry to hear that.

I feel like never trying to find anyone ever.

Do you want to find someone?

I do.

Why?

Because I'm tired.

What? Tired?

Of everything. I guess its the only way I know how to connect to anyone.

And you can't connect to your friends.

I do sometimes, but its not enough. I've just never felt so alienated and xenoic. I feel like I won't ever connect to anyone. So why bother? I've always found my beliefs to be so far different from most. How could I possibly find someone like me?

Maybe you don't open up.

You're right that I don't. I'm too afraid to speak out how I feel because I know none of my friends will have any experience talking to me about the way I feel. They'll feel awkward and wouldn't know how to respond. I'll look weak and they'll question me.

Fuck this. Its all pointless bullshit.

I don't look for anyone anymore. Because I don't believe I can take the hits anymore. I hate most conversation with everyone unless it leads to a romantic relationship. I literally could not give any less of a fuck in dialogue if it doesn't relate to women, love, or relationships. I'm obsessed because its the only true thing I know to get me happy.

I am an island and the only person my mind allows to accept on it is a lover.

Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.