Still

The skin on my body ages
The winter has come to pass
But my mind is burned
in thoughts of you.

Etched like the shadow
of a nuclear wake
I see the feelings I don't give up
Lacking rationalization and accepting
Codependency and degradation.

It'd be terrible, what I let you do.

Am I this.. Person who lacks all self respect? How did it come to be?

Maybe because all my efforts leave trails of failure.
All I am is not confirmed by anyone.
No one truly knows me in these words
Their presence helps only the character I portray
So what do I amount to?
Nothing.

I'm contemplating messaging Hazlet. she wanted to see me not too long ago. For coffee. I don't have any interest in her besides to fuck. But who knows? I've definitely done this once before to see if I feel anything. My major concern is hurting her. I can't take hurting others.