Speaking of Which

I felt like going to sleep right before I serviced myself. Fuck. Nothing feels better than that one high that keeps on giving. I realize now that I may always be fighting life with Highs. Technically everyone does, just not in a form that you could measure.

I felt like being truthful  Honest. Writing things to get off my chest. But i'm just not sure where to begin. Talking with Tuesday made me feel, like there was something wrong with me. And I swore there was a few moments ago. Even when I wrote the title of this post.

I'll go to extreme lengths to make someone love me. It's so hard just getting that feeling with someone knowing how easy I can make it thrive if I were only to have someone who would just go with it.

I had seen it time and time again, girls becoming cautioned of me. I believe it's because of what I look for in someone, love. And I guess I just show it on my face in my words when I ask intense things and act like it's all too familiar. But I can never be sure about that.

I feel that it may be a long time that i don't have someone to actually be with me and fall in love with. Sure i may get a girls number here and there, but nothing ever lasts. I feel as if most girls are just so involved with friends and their schooling that they don't care about a relationship as much as I do.

Tuesday is a reoccurring figure in my mind. I really believed her to be someone I could always come to and feel comfortable. But as of late, she's been short with words and it feels as if she's taking out things upon me. Without explanation at that. And because of it, I can't help but get frustrated now when I speak to her. A few days ago we were so indepth in conversation and I laughed so much that it hurt to smile. I should tell her that, but I fear her face has been casted in iron this week.

I don't deserve to feel unwanted. I don't deserve to feel, closed out. I don't deserve to be stabbed at.

I'll find love one way or another, it's my main prerogative. Albeit with Tuesday or not. I hear her now in my head, "You don't mean that, stop saying it."