Despite

Feeling like the way I do right now..
Empty.

I feel like shit.

I think i'm getting sick.

I can't stop feeling like i'm not normal anymore.

I'm okay with who I am right now, or at least I think.

Maybe it's just the lexapro
Making me feel the way I do.

I'm not sure if i've ever mentioned my new friend Mikail. I've been hanging out with him quite a lot. We're almost in the same boat, although he's found that life can be enjoyable without someone else. However, me? Well. I'm another story.

Anyway.

Hazlet. Me and Hazlet are going on a date tomorrow. I'm not sure what to expect. God my life feels like a fucking drama. I want to tell Ember that I'm single. That I don't want to be in a relationship, but I don't want to lose her. I told hazlet that I am single. The only reason I haven't told Ember that i want to be single is because she's never around for me to even tell her. I can't even hold a conversation with her longer than 2 responses in a week. It's starting to become.. negligble. Her existance at least. I can't say that I don't love her. I get fearful when I take this ring off I bought for her so girls wouldn't hit on me.

I think i'm back to that point where No One Will Read This. And I'm somewhat excited, because I won't have to feel worried. But the thought that Tuesday is gone makes me sullen. Ah well. She loved my writing, I really believed she did. I hope she's happy right now.

Fuck, Ember, I love you...

I'm scared that if I leave you, you'll kill yourself.
I'm afraid that if I leave you, your life will be complete shit.
I'm terrified that if you come up to me, you won't be what i'm looking for.
I'm horrified that Hazlet will become more to me than you are.



Dear Life, I'm becoming numb.

Numb.