4th of july party

Im working in the morning as per usual. Ember is so hard to believe. She sent me a picture of a note asking me to marry her. She told me she wants to hurt herself because im so sad she's not here with me. I constantly ask myself is she worth it? But something in me speaks to me words Im desprately afraid of.

Dave.

Yeah?

You couldnt leave her if you tried you worthless piece of shit. I've seen dirt that had more self respect than you.

Having that been said. I can't tell if she disrespects me to the point of justifying breaking up. I really can't. This girl.. gah.

Im starting to realize we don't have much in common but if I remember correctly shed be into anything I was into. She loved that I was nerdy and the way I dressed. She says she's head over heels for me but I can't help but relate her personality to a cheating boyfriend on maury. Literally.

I was glancing at an episode of maury during work and it was of a boyfriend who was accused of being a prostitute and cheating on his wife. He would never answer calls or txts. He would disappear randomly in the night. He would have girls txt him "I love you, and thanks for the pictures" and when he would be around his wife, he would act like nothing happened.  Ember never answers my calls and barely answers my texts. When I ask her direct questions she avoids me by disappearing than coming back hours later just saying "I love you." On her face book she has a dozen guys flirting with her on her pictures saying she's sexy beautiful and gorgeous. I don't mind it because I believe she does love me. Or so she says. God im putting a disgusting feeling in my gut thinking about her right now.

She told me even if I break up with her shell come up to see me. Im not sure how true that is anymore. Im getting tired. My eyes are heavy.

The party tonight, there's going to be slutty girls. There's going to be lots of beer. There's gonna be a fn million chances to have sex. But I can't. Why? Because I have integrity. Because I believe in loyalty. Because being committed is something the world can barely be. I am the positive strife to the negative atrocity of love in the world.

The world can only be a happy place if we do happy things.