Organs In Sensation

Hell.
My writing is so.

Far.

Off.


I'm still that bittersweet bashful feeling when I get complimented. Fuck. When I talk like that I sound like a Fag. Fuck. Fuck.

Let's just say right now.. I'm high.

High of marijuana.

Which i'm on conditional discharge for.

I'm so fucking depressed, i think i'd feel comfortable living in a system where my life is planned out in routine. Like when I got put in the back of that car after being arrested.. You know.. When I think back to that time, I think I told Tuesday that.

God, Tuesday.

What a Day she was.

There was something about her that always had me.. somehow attracted and adored to her.

I did want to be the castle of her world.

But I couldn't take the anxiety, the anger, the illogical unreasonable metholodical psychosis.

She didn't seem crazy, not at all. She just kept ruminating in her own thoughts, as I do as well.

It's funny. I thought of you Tuesday, when Ember told me today, that she was "scared that it's not what I think." Ahem. Let me rephrase that for you.

Me: "what are you waiting for to come up baby?"
Ember: "I'm scared that it's not what I think... I love u so much"

I can't think. When I get emotions feeling like this, I can't focus. I can't make any logical judgements. I can't take those words in without a pulse being skipped in my heart. My breath is being lost at the fear of losing her. If she loves me, let her come and let me know her love is true. If she doesn't love me, tell her to let me go, because ...I've better things to do.

A Sick man's banter.