Well fuck.
I'm disappointed.
In what?
The day.
What's wrong with the day?
I expected to be out somewhere with someone.
Who's someone?
No one in particular. I just. Thought i'd be out somewhere. and that someone would want me there.
You're in a rut today.
I know I am.
It's strange isn't it?
Do you know why you're in a rut?
I think so.
Tell me what happened.
Well, kansas jobro and I were playing xbox and kansastold us he had some girl stay over his house. then brushed it off like it was nothing. Then he said he had a friend who he'd just randomly hook up with whenever he wanted. Kansas is not attractive but he is a really nice guy. I just.. find it so.. hard to believe that someone could have such success in finding someone to just be there and want him, (it doesnt matter physically or emotionally.) It makes me look at my life and see that I don't know what i'm doing to be so alone. It made me think of the reason why I broke up with X. To live a life like that. To live a life I can't live. But i'm starting to think even if I had the life he did, it still wouldn't be enough. I feel like just saying fuck the world right now. Fuck the world and leave me alone. I want to just walk outside and find a field so that i can just lay there and bask in the sun.
You know..
What do i fucking know?
I'm sorry. I don't have words to tell you right now.
It's okay. I'm going to go, pass out or smoke weed or something.
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