Practice

http://i.imgur.com/kyDYk.jpg

Refine, Define, Better

Tuesday told me, to write words with meaning
That the words we use don't define feeling.

Morning seeping
Birds chirping in a freshly made nest,
Hearts beating
A girl who hides her face in a man's chest.
Lovers breathing
Under the covers of those undressed.

Practice makes perfect.

Bleep Bleep

Still alive.
     Thrive.
        Johnny Five.
                 Thrive.

Bleep.

In downward spiral,
Ill never arise.
falling wishing for a demise.as hopes in life and cheers with the ladder
I just can't wait to hear this splatter.

All the while
You'll laugh and smile
and act all gitty
When I'll cry and try not to
feel so shitty.

I want to die.

Carcass

I can't stop thinking of how much I want to message you. But I'm not going to, because I'm not going to lose another piece of what ever is left of me.

Scars

I have to say, I hate this new lay out for writing blogs. It's rather irritating. I can't recognize where to begin anymore.

Well, it's been a while since I've tasted the ink i put onto these pages. Fuck. I'm losing a lot. At least it feels like. I'm trying to find happiness and it's a struggle that not many can identify with. I was talking with T and she was telling me that I needed someone to vent to. That all my life people have vented to me, but not once have I ever had someone who was fully able and capable for me to vent to.

Fuck. It felt great when I told her about x. She was pretty awesome, however her short minded and childish attention span put me off to talking to an extent in which I wanted. But it's probably better that way.

It's funny, she told me that "maybe I just need someone to vent to, who can be there for me when I need them." and it's pretty fucking obvious. It's why constantly searching for someone. Because I need to vent, and i need to vent before I fucking explode.

I feel like my mind is slowly deteriorating inside out. My morals and cares are slowly fading away. I feel like sex is already far too emphasized in my brain because of it's ease of pleasure and that it will always feel the same when I get it.

Fuck.

I'm starving.

The dog's been outside.

I'm filthy.

I don't know where I want to be right now, but I have a feeling by the end of the day, I won't like where I am.

Walking

Walk

With another step in some cold direction.

Walk

With the last foot now in front of the other

Walk

From the warmth of another

Down the road where there is nothing

Where there is an absence of a lover

Tears

Profound Fears

Make Tears.

While Love,

We Dream Of.

-To another girl, who just takes another part of me.

Happiness

Another Happiness theory, it's disgusting making so many. It takes importance and meaning out of each post with such great portion; It leaves all following words at a repulsive defamation.

Adderal makes you happy, because it makes you smart. It makes you able to figure out any problem. It makes you realize that you're calpable. That you can handle life. That you can handle almost anything that comes at you.

When you're off adderal, you're incompetent. You're clumsy with words. You're lazy, you have no energy to complete the things that you used to. You can't muster the courage to speak to someone you don't know.

I guess the key to being happy without Adderal is becoming smart.