I don't know how to start a relationship I'm realizing. How does one begin? I'm at a loss.
Africa options:
a: continue to be whatever we are and enjoy each other.
b: get time to hang out alone with her and ask if she likes me again.
c: accept that she likes me and look to realize why she's no good for me.
d: stop using my brain to figure things out and use Tao to forget all reasons to cry.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Hunger makes me depressed?
As depression crawls from it's crypt to cease my joy
Life becomes ambient noise
I live not through my eyes, my ears, my voice.
My fears grow tall and my soul grows hollow.
I yearn for love.
As it seems to be my only cure all.
Life becomes ambient noise
I live not through my eyes, my ears, my voice.
My fears grow tall and my soul grows hollow.
I yearn for love.
As it seems to be my only cure all.
Devision
Game says, be the prize. Make it seem like you don't care about the girl, and if she comes to you, she comes to you. Make it seem like what your doing is worthwhile, not that you yourself are worthwhile. You don't care about yourself in the sense of proving yourself to them. You do what you know is good and you love, express why that is and they will come to you.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
I've lived Tao.
Just looked on face book and got intimidated by people, their friends, their interests and lives. I create need. I broke into disharmony.
My heart skips beat
The world's fingers dig deep.
Harmony is all I seek.
SO let's look at the options. Live life struggling to attain the needs i set for myself, OR drop needs all together and be happy most of my life.
Live life happily by choosing the easier path.
Risk spending long periods of life unhappy by choosing the conventional path.
It seems obvious but it's almost as if I'm living a lie if i choose happiness. But it's not a lie, but it would say a lot about myself. Choosing to never set goals is undeniably equivalent to having all imaginable goals met. The end product is exactly the same.
You are heralded for accomplishing goals, for taking the difficult path to harmony. This is the only connection from happiness in mind to reality..
That paragraph makes me think of my recent outlook on social life and personal decisions. I say to myself, identify goals, and make your way to accomplish them. Without goals, it is pointless to spend time with another. It is awkward time spent, time spent wastefully. Time that could have been spent achieving something. That being said in exception of loving relationships. Time with the one you love is attracted by something deeper than thought.
My heart skips beat
The world's fingers dig deep.
Harmony is all I seek.
SO let's look at the options. Live life struggling to attain the needs i set for myself, OR drop needs all together and be happy most of my life.
Live life happily by choosing the easier path.
Risk spending long periods of life unhappy by choosing the conventional path.
It seems obvious but it's almost as if I'm living a lie if i choose happiness. But it's not a lie, but it would say a lot about myself. Choosing to never set goals is undeniably equivalent to having all imaginable goals met. The end product is exactly the same.
You are heralded for accomplishing goals, for taking the difficult path to harmony. This is the only connection from happiness in mind to reality..
That paragraph makes me think of my recent outlook on social life and personal decisions. I say to myself, identify goals, and make your way to accomplish them. Without goals, it is pointless to spend time with another. It is awkward time spent, time spent wastefully. Time that could have been spent achieving something. That being said in exception of loving relationships. Time with the one you love is attracted by something deeper than thought.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
More criticism
If you overesteem great men,
people become powerless.
If you overvalue possessions,
people begin to steal.
The Master leads
by emptying people's minds
and filling their cores,
by weakening their ambition
and toughening their resolve.
He helps people lose everything
they know, everything they desire,
and creates confusion
in those who think that they know.
Practice not-doing,
and everything will fall into place.
-Some Taoist website.
To be absent needs is to be absent loss. It literally states, practice not-doing, and everything will fall into place. If I use a somewhat eclectic thought to Taoism and my zero theory, it seems to get interesting.
Neither being positive (+) or negative (-) means any hidden context. Meaning, being positive doesn't mean it's a good thing, being negative doesn't make it a bad thing. They could be easily interchanged and it would still have the same value.
As people we set ourselves to have psychological needs. Needs = (-). People = (+). We put our self in the Taoist definition of "disharmony." We struggle everyday to attain our needs or balance, to achieve neutrality.
Example: I love Africa, and she does not want to be with me. I am at constant disharmony.
Need (-): Africa
People (+): Myself
Since I have yet to achieve harmony/neutrality, I am at constant action. My heart yearns to be with her and hurts when I don't do everything in my power to try to be. I stress my self and it does damage. It leaves me in sadness, anger, hate, and utter despair. This is the state of disharmony.
My depression/frustration/emotions that I feel for her could be a gauge to the strength of my pull toward her. The deeper I feel for achieving this need of being with her, the more I hurt (the greater the disharmony.)
Disharmony is also increased by resisting the pull of the two polar sides. I block myself (+) from liking her (-) even though I know she is all I want. This causes all of us a deeper pain, when we walk in a different path that our heart leaves for us.
So Taoism's answer to achieving harmony: Give up all goals, needs, and dreams.
Harmony is harmony. It doesn't matter if I figure out every perfect word to speak to her and she becomes swayed to be with me or if I give up on her and believe there is no need for love.
As the zero theory will forever tell, to be neutral is all we seek.
people become powerless.
If you overvalue possessions,
people begin to steal.
The Master leads
by emptying people's minds
and filling their cores,
by weakening their ambition
and toughening their resolve.
He helps people lose everything
they know, everything they desire,
and creates confusion
in those who think that they know.
Practice not-doing,
and everything will fall into place.
-Some Taoist website.
To be absent needs is to be absent loss. It literally states, practice not-doing, and everything will fall into place. If I use a somewhat eclectic thought to Taoism and my zero theory, it seems to get interesting.
Neither being positive (+) or negative (-) means any hidden context. Meaning, being positive doesn't mean it's a good thing, being negative doesn't make it a bad thing. They could be easily interchanged and it would still have the same value.
As people we set ourselves to have psychological needs. Needs = (-). People = (+). We put our self in the Taoist definition of "disharmony." We struggle everyday to attain our needs or balance, to achieve neutrality.
Example: I love Africa, and she does not want to be with me. I am at constant disharmony.
Need (-): Africa
People (+): Myself
Since I have yet to achieve harmony/neutrality, I am at constant action. My heart yearns to be with her and hurts when I don't do everything in my power to try to be. I stress my self and it does damage. It leaves me in sadness, anger, hate, and utter despair. This is the state of disharmony.
My depression/frustration/emotions that I feel for her could be a gauge to the strength of my pull toward her. The deeper I feel for achieving this need of being with her, the more I hurt (the greater the disharmony.)
Disharmony is also increased by resisting the pull of the two polar sides. I block myself (+) from liking her (-) even though I know she is all I want. This causes all of us a deeper pain, when we walk in a different path that our heart leaves for us.
So Taoism's answer to achieving harmony: Give up all goals, needs, and dreams.
Harmony is harmony. It doesn't matter if I figure out every perfect word to speak to her and she becomes swayed to be with me or if I give up on her and believe there is no need for love.
As the zero theory will forever tell, to be neutral is all we seek.
The Way
I was reading the Tao Te Ching in the library today. It greatly reinforces a theory i had for life i made a while back when i was drunk.
The Zero theory. A fundamental law about science or matter or physics is it? I have no clue. But Positive will always be attracted to Negative. Matter it self inexplicably tries to achieve a balance. When you assign value to positive and negative, it becomes thusly: +1 or -1. This shows a positive and a negative. When combined, they equal zero. Everything tries to achieve zero. I'm fucking exhausted. I can't rationalize.
Taoism overview: Absent mind, absent problems. Goals met are not found in action, but in mind.
The Zero theory. A fundamental law about science or matter or physics is it? I have no clue. But Positive will always be attracted to Negative. Matter it self inexplicably tries to achieve a balance. When you assign value to positive and negative, it becomes thusly: +1 or -1. This shows a positive and a negative. When combined, they equal zero. Everything tries to achieve zero. I'm fucking exhausted. I can't rationalize.
Taoism overview: Absent mind, absent problems. Goals met are not found in action, but in mind.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Oh My Fucking Africa.
Last night at the hospital Africa was all ears for me. She flipped some crazy fucking switch in her head and now all she wants is something to do with me. She stares at me expectantly. I would catch her looking at me like I was a juicy steak after 2 weeks of fasting. When questioned she only answers I don't know. She teased me, joked with me, walked with me. What the hell? A sudden break in the path.
Prior to this the last 4 weeks she always confined herself from me. Hiding, trying to avoid me to make sure that we wouldn't have a connection. Maybe she thinks that I don't like her anymore. I know that has to be it. Unless for some reason she feels like it's okay to like me again
Africa thinks I don't like her:
1. I told her about Bell giving me the creeps
2. I don't look at her like I used too
3. I don't treat her like she's everything I have
Africa likes me:
1. I started doing yoga
2. I told her I'm starting to read into Taoism
3. I love acting class
Fate will let us all know, I'm sure.
Prior to this the last 4 weeks she always confined herself from me. Hiding, trying to avoid me to make sure that we wouldn't have a connection. Maybe she thinks that I don't like her anymore. I know that has to be it. Unless for some reason she feels like it's okay to like me again
Africa thinks I don't like her:
1. I told her about Bell giving me the creeps
2. I don't look at her like I used too
3. I don't treat her like she's everything I have
Africa likes me:
1. I started doing yoga
2. I told her I'm starting to read into Taoism
3. I love acting class
Fate will let us all know, I'm sure.
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