Fuh. Today was harder than others. I dont know what it was. Ember messages me everyday now, but she never says anything new. She never tells me what she does or talks about things shes into. All she tells me is that she loves me and thinks of me all the time.
I watched a video she made me. God she was gorgeous in it. She spoke with a shudder in her voice. Her mannerisms told me she was nervous. She seemed afraid to talk to me as if id hate her if I knew anything about her.
I feel my recovery is going to be rough while entertaining the thought I could have her.
I need to focus on reading my NA book. My sponsor told me that he'd give me step work to do in two weeks. A little absurd if you ask me. That time is so far, I feel as if hes treating me like im a dumb kid who knows nothing. From the few times ive spoken to him, ive put him in awe having him tell me how he was surprised how introspective and rational I was.
I cant lay out destiny.
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