Cut

Slicing venison from it's tendon.
I fucking hate this feeling and wish it were just some slab of meat.
Something easy to cut with a sharp knife.

God. I've to embrace what i'm to go through. But i don't know if i'll enjoy it. It's getting really scary right now. Don't know what this feeling is. I'm going to have to move out of my apartment by the end of the month. I've work in 15 minutes and I've to stay until 7am.

I need something in my life.

All day I've been contemplating. Is love enough? Why is it enough? before it was so indecisive that I had to strive for it. Now? Now i'm starting to second guess myself. Now I'm starting to feel that it's becoming hard to love. And now, without love, what else is there in the world?

Maybe i'm not giving enough chances for anything else to make me happy. My anxiety pretty much takes control of everything and I guess it really skews my life.

Maybe this feeling I have right now latching it's claws into my abdomen is just my unconscious knowing:

I've no money.
I've no career for more then a year.
I've no prospect.
I've nothing to look forward to.

I think I need to pop a vyvanse, but I don't want to lose the weight.

It's calories that move my body now, my soul has been long lost and it's shadow doesn't even remain.