Care, Dont care.

Bleed.

I hate writing on this keyboard.

I see it.
I see it now.
I hate.

I hate myself, and all my responses.
Im afraid of how ill come out.
im afraid of how my words will leave my mouth.
Im afraid of how my motions will change your thoughts.

Tuesday.
I can't do anything right now but tell the truth.
Im losing belief.
Belief in anything.
Everything.
Id tell you id want to move to sf.
To get to know you.
I've thought about it
once I get my license,
after finishing my semester here, ill pay off my lease
And just leave.
Leave to find the west coast.
To see what the city has to offer.
To hope you'd spend time with me,
That you'd heal me, and id heal you.
But I don't think you'd like to hear that.
I know you may not feel that way anymore.
I extinguished that flame, and now
Im holding hands with a dream far from reality.
No one wants to hear anything I've to say.
No one cares about these eyes anymore.
No one cares about these lips.
No one wishes I was by their side.
No one knows how its all I thrive.
I don't care about games,
Not while my heart is empty.
I don't care about friends,
Not while I have no one to caress.
Its a fucked up thing I know,
But tell me im an idiot, be my guest.
But guess what? It can't change who I am.
And if I could I would, because I had a dream about death last night,
A dream where I was shot, in the face.
I challenged them to do it,
To shoot me.
-because I didn't think they could get away with it.
But they did.
and all I felt was bliss.
As my friends near me cried and shouted,
I lost sight and fell back as my face was splattered on the walls.
I was happy.
it was serene.
I died and went to a heaven, with no fear or remorse, just that bliss.