Straight

Get your head straight,
Don't lie.
Get your head straight,
Don't say that you'll cry.
Get your head straight,
She's better off.
Get your head straight,
She'll be happier without you.
Get your head straight,
You'll need to hold on.

Care, Dont care.

Bleed.

I hate writing on this keyboard.

I see it.
I see it now.
I hate.

I hate myself, and all my responses.
Im afraid of how ill come out.
im afraid of how my words will leave my mouth.
Im afraid of how my motions will change your thoughts.

Tuesday.
I can't do anything right now but tell the truth.
Im losing belief.
Belief in anything.
Everything.
Id tell you id want to move to sf.
To get to know you.
I've thought about it
once I get my license,
after finishing my semester here, ill pay off my lease
And just leave.
Leave to find the west coast.
To see what the city has to offer.
To hope you'd spend time with me,
That you'd heal me, and id heal you.
But I don't think you'd like to hear that.
I know you may not feel that way anymore.
I extinguished that flame, and now
Im holding hands with a dream far from reality.
No one wants to hear anything I've to say.
No one cares about these eyes anymore.
No one cares about these lips.
No one wishes I was by their side.
No one knows how its all I thrive.
I don't care about games,
Not while my heart is empty.
I don't care about friends,
Not while I have no one to caress.
Its a fucked up thing I know,
But tell me im an idiot, be my guest.
But guess what? It can't change who I am.
And if I could I would, because I had a dream about death last night,
A dream where I was shot, in the face.
I challenged them to do it,
To shoot me.
-because I didn't think they could get away with it.
But they did.
and all I felt was bliss.
As my friends near me cried and shouted,
I lost sight and fell back as my face was splattered on the walls.
I was happy.
it was serene.
I died and went to a heaven, with no fear or remorse, just that bliss.

Thats right. Give me reason.

I can't settle.
No.
Not anymore.

Girls.

Want you to bend.
And flex.
And twine
To become a complex statue.
That they find beautiful.
And when you ask for a favor,
They've no hands to help.
No heart to care,
No time for you.
Just them.

Love is an equation.

No one seems to care.

Possibility

Its been a while since I've tasted this feeling.
Let's just hope it doesn't cease,
from fear,
insecurity,
Lack of expression,
To be a ground underneath.

Losing Trust

In myself.
i'm losing it.
you're losing it.
he's losing it.

I just want to rest.
  Knowing I don't have to worry.

Vyvanse Re-Script

Vyvanse makes me happy.
It makes me proud.
It makes me motivated.

It takes my hands and makes awe.
It cultivates my eyes to let in beauty.
It makes my tongue persuasive and passionate.
It makes me forget a long lost lover.
It makes me take pride in being alive.

Johnny Five. Johnny Five.

Why is it

I'm still grasping for the walls?

I still feel like i'm sliding.
Sliding and I can't feel safe.
Dwindling down.
Like a quarter in some cheap vending machine.
Plinging and making ticks.
Getting closer to my final destination.

Gasp for breath

At an unborn title.

Is what I've become something I fully know?
do you remember when you knew yourself,
So.
Fucking.
Well?
Do you really love Ember?
You're going to find out.
Why is it so hard for you.
To.
Just think of the times
where
We
Lose
our
mind
To
rhymes
That
are
Mun
dayne.
A
Mon
ot
Nous
Line
of
symmetry
And
Lack
of
Thought.
A pattern, without a cost.

I passed

I spent the day wasting away at my computer. Stuffing my face. It felt pretty good, but now i'm worried about school.

Im sitting outside the countys probation office.

im waiting to feel the urge to piss, as someone is about to look at my dick and watch me. I hope I don't look like a scumbag with my hat on. Id lie if I said I didn't feel tough going here. I shouldn't because its putting my entire life at risk for not being able to get what most people can. I hope this wont affect my license.. well see.

Alright, wish me luck.

Lonely.

Real fucking, lonely.

I've my drug test tomorrow, I might fail it and get a record for posession. My cousin may not be able to become a citizen. If do.

I don't know what to do.

Mikail stayed at some girls house tonight, I didn't realize how much better it felt when someone was just around with me. Im scared. that I wont have any friends. Because I don't know how to have friends. I don't know how to ask someone to hangout. Im scared. Im lonely.

Ember. That. Bitch.

Where does my life go now?