Monday, June 13, 2016

Value

Just got out of my therapist's office.

Value.
To have value is to give worth.
Worth is determined by needs.
What is it that you need?
Do you need food?
Water?
Shelter?
Stimulation?
Friendship?

When you have value
In presence of others,
You are appraised.
You are utilized.

I ask myself why
Or how will it make me feel.

My mind draws blank,
I see the leaves rustling in wind.
The wind whispering,
Heat calming my skin.

Monday, June 6, 2016

Post-Pragmatic

Today I have school. I"m reluctant to go because I can't face the things I have to do. The stress is compiled because I have group mates to write a paper with me. I'm sorry. I feel I need to apologize to you. I've found this feeling in the past to be mirrored back to me. It was comforting.
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Sandra. I sacrifice so much for you. I cook for you, I buy your food, I help you get dressed, I brush your teeth, I help you up and down the stairs, I clean your room for you, I clean your dishes, I do a few of your chores, I sacrifice time with my friends, I sacrifice time I should spend at school, I sacrifice days I could work for extra money.

Sometimes when I want to be alone, you get upset. That makes me upset. I feel like saying "Come on don't do that to me." It's meant to be shown that the person saying it loves you so much that it pains them to see their significant other sad. Don't be sad for me please, I don't want to feel like I'm hurting by doing the things I need in my life.

Whenever I talk to you in a voice that isn't completely calm, you get anxious and tell me I'm being an asshole. I'm raising my voice because it's frustrating and that I want to deal with it. But I feel you become elusive when confronting these problems and see them in a way I never will. I feel you incredibly exaggerate almost everything and I know it's something you can't help but you can't hold me to your standards continuously.

 I can't think of the things that you sacrifice in your life as I do for you. What do you do for me? Do you let me watch my shows with me? Do you let me spend times with my friends without making me feel guilty?

What am I doing? Should I be with you? Is that what's best for me? I love you, but I hate how you make me feel like a monster.

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