Me.

Selfish and callous cannot be seen in light
But you know your steps carry filth
That you'll never be satisfied with what you earn
Because if you have it, you know its nothing
More valuable then dirt

I was once was one

I once felt all of me was one. One who was the same person inside and out. Who wouldn't turn a different shade around others. Who was so solid and concrete not even a hurricane could uproot me from my foundation.

Now? I'm scattered like the spread of #8 birdshot. I am aike the aftermath of a broken planet drifting in space. Some of me has gone far out of sight, others stay floating occasionally crashing into one another.

I don't feel n urge to write. I don't feel that motivation that once flowed through me.

My mind is broken but my soul shines through the smoke.

My mind tells me to be afraid. To question existence and believe in the intangible. To know that every step forward is a cut into my skin. My soul pours happiness in my heart at the end of every Acton and risk, but my mind refuses to believe their consistency. It makes its thoughts pile into single file to preoccupy all that is in me to omit these experiences into my memory. "It'll never last" "that was easy because you're just lucky. You did nothing even close to being advantageous to get her to admire you." My soul cries out, "You're amazing and deserve to feel this way. Cherish and float on until your next experience. Live only in my words as they are now and are what is real." "But those moments won't last and you know they'll come to an end, how can you prove they'll come again? You're still the same sack of shit incapable of maintaining happiness."

Ive learned about myself.
I hope to carry this lesson with me.