Tuesday

I'm sorry about tonight.

Like all the nights before.

I realize those words have less meaning.

Each.

And.

Every.

Time.

I.

Use.

Them.

That may mean something.

But something in me knows I truly am sorry.

That I truly regret every moment i'm not spending with you.

Fuck, I wish you could just hit me.

I wish you could just yell at me in my face.

I wish you would just say let's be together for

The Rest of Our Shitty Lives.

Guess.

I wonder

What you would do
If you knew how I said
I'm in love with you.

When I hold your skin
Under my lips
Beneath our covers
Our love within

Beat

A Shell Of a man.
Knows nothing.


I was high earlier today. My probation starts today as well. Let's hope I start to give a shit.



Hdog and I were at chik-fila.

------------------------
Our Protagonist: I didn't really care about anything. Even when I was cuffed and put in the back of the police car.

Hdog: What do you mean? You just feel like you wouldn't get in trouble?

Our Protagonist: No. I mean I just don't give a fuck. I don't even think I'd care if I went to jail.

Hdog: Why?

Our Protagonist: It's like, I don't give a fuck because nothing hurts. At least not anymore. Like, I'm constantly in this fucking.. pain and depression, that nothing can hurt me. I think it's because I can't physically feel any worse then I do now.

Hdog: Wow.
----------------------

I'm sorry It took me this long to get back to you.

I was arrested.




Are you really there god? 
        Are you really showing me action and consequence?
               Let me know you exist.
Let me know how you want me to live my life.
         I want to believe in something again.

It hurts

To wonder who you show your pictures to.

Fucking Lonely

I think this is what loneliness feels like. It's pretty uh. Fucking rough.

Yeah i'd have to agree.

it seems like your searching for her

yeah it does.

do you really miss her that much?

i don't know.

hm.

Can I tell you something?

of course.

i'm finding almost everything to give me pain.

really?

yes. i'm low on my medication. i've only one pill left, and i've been rationing. shit is getting scary.

well.

i

hope

you

like

to

cry.

Well one things for sure.

I want  

         Drugs
                     And  
                              Sex.

something in me regrets those words.

something in me tells me something is wrong with them.

something in me tells me I don't know what's wrong.

something in me tells me I can't tell.






I just want peace.

racoon eyes.

I'm starting to really hurt/

knowing she doesn't think about me

that i was done
that i was just some shitty chapter

fuck.

i shouted her name like a bullet leaving the chamber.

fucking a tuesday.

don't fucking read this.-

Fucking Africa

I bet she triggered it

I bet she's the one who fucked me up

It makes so much sense too.

Even tuesday said i was distraught.

She made me feel like no one would ever like me for who I was.

For what I did or would do.



I can't wait to wake up tomorrow.

it's strange

The feelings I get from memory. They're so.. serene. Not at all how I remember it.

I've drank too much caffeine.

I can't fall asleep.

It's 4:00am

A place like this, is for people like me.

Who cannot speak out in front of people quite clearly.

I'm thinking of sprouting wings and fangs

To tell those who thought I liked them

Not a word, not even a hint of sorrow.

That I've found my direction.

To be gone and clawing for light.

Digging my way, back to the surface.